How do you discipline children and maintain a close, marital relationship?...Step-families in today's society!

Posted Thursday, July 17, 2008, at 9:59 PM

Okay everyone, onto a new topic of discussion...How should a mother or father properly discipline their children and step-children in a step-family setting and still maintain a healthy and close relationship with their spouse?

Being a good parent is hard enough without adding further complications, disturbances, or just plain "new" people to the mix. However, once all is settled and "a new life" has begun, hopefully with trust, acceptance and compromise, where do step-families go from there? Often times, many such families are stuck in an awkward shift of balance where parents play the game of "Pass the Control Torch" and children are screaming "Your not my Mom/Dad!" This inevitably leaves both parents and children frustrated with themselves and each other!

So, my question is: What do you guys and gals think here???

As you all know, being that I am a re-married individual with one natural-born child as well as a truly beloved step-child, I have personal investment (and of course, personal opinion as always)in this topic. I want to let you all know that I appreciate any and all comments, esp. those coming from experience.

I extend my gratitude in advance!

From a literary mom at 10 p.m.,

Betty Jo

Comments
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I think you have to just love them and set boundaries. The parents need to support each other so there are no favorites. If the child wants to play the "you're not my real mom/dad" smack them down early. And then have the real mom/dad do the same. Tell them you love them and if they have a problem with that, lay the smackdown until they get it. A tag team approach works best so you don't get tired.

-- Posted by layne staley on Thu, Jul 17, 2008, at 11:40 PM

Betty Jo Hux's response:

I couldn't agree more. Parents need to support eachother and not show favortism toward one child or the other. It's all about being firm in your values and in the rules of the house as well as being consistent.(Step)-Parents need to have a game plan before they ever marry and discuss matters with eachother, away from the children, before implementing the plan. I've also found that, afterwards, frequent family discussions usually help, too

From personal experience, it's a hard road but it's worth it.

Thanks for commenting,

I like your style Rooster. Having the same game plan is very important. Treat both kids the same and show no favorites. The random beat down is crucial. Keep them on their toes. Not enough respect from kids these days. Probably stems from no respect between parents but needless to say. i think there are a few stories on this site about kids that didnt get the tuff love they needed!!

Here they come to snuff the Rooster.

Oh yeah!!

-- Posted by Cliff Burton on Fri, Jul 18, 2008, at 8:05 AM

I have a different system and it works....GREAT. I treat my kids one way and my wife's little rugrats another way. She plays favorites to hers and treats mine a bit different. We find it is working great and that both sets of our kids feel the love, but also have to be tough to stand up and fight for what is right with the opposite parent.

You get the BEST of BOTH Worlds, Honey, I know what its worth.....

A little Heaven right here on earth............Yeaaaaaaaaahhhhh!

All this same page, same game plan stuff is BS, and Burton, my kids show me respect...............oh, yeah, they show me the respect(licking my knuckles).

-- Posted by shannonhoon on Fri, Jul 18, 2008, at 10:13 AM

Betty Jo Hux's response:

Hoon, I'm assuming this is sarcasm as usual. I'd hate to believe that I am to take this literally!

Works for me BJ. I always say to each his or her own and if it ain't fixed, don't break it worse. And what do you mean by "as usual".....are you antagonizing me or something? I'll show you sarcasm.

-- Posted by shannonhoon on Sat, Jul 19, 2008, at 11:20 PM

Betty Jo Hux's response:

What exactly am I to antagonize? I really didn't take it that seriously.

Seriously.

-- Posted by shannonhoon on Mon, Jul 21, 2008, at 8:04 AM