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Wednesday, Apr. 16, 2014
Truly FreePosted Thursday, July 26, 2012, at 6:26 AM
Psalm 94:19 (NIV) When anxiety was great within me, your consolation (comfort, peace) brought joy to my soul.
This is my twenty year bible study on hurting.
It began with Psalm 142:4 (KJV) I looked on my right hand, and beheld, but there was no man that would know me: refuge failed me; no man cared for my soul.
As a young person I just felt that if I could find someone who could know what I knew and felt what I felt, who really understood I would be okay. But I never found that person and I was never okay. I suffered alone surrounded by family and friends. No one knew.
When life gets too hard, when we need to retreat to our "safe place", each of us has a refuge, a place of escape. But what happens when our refuge fails?
There are those who care. But they cannot always be there when I need them. I need intensive care not visits.
The "discovery" of this verse actually brought me great comfort. I accepted that no one would ever know the depth of my hurt or understand what I was going thru. There would be things I would have to go thru alone.
Of course, Jesus would be there. It would just be nice to have a flesh and blood person alongside to share the burden with but that doesn't always happen.
Years later this verse was "discovered",
Proverbs 18:19 (KJV) A brother (or sister) offended (hurt, angry) is harder to be won (back) than a strong city (well defended): and their contentions (reasons, arguments) are like the (impenetrable) bars of a castle.
In life we learn the importance of building walls to protect ourselves from hurt and pain. Hurt often enough and our walls get thicker and higher. And we know what happens every time we come out from behind our walls. So we get quite elaborate and soon we have our very own castle. No one gets in unless we let them. And even then we get hurt. So bars cover the window. Now no one can get in. We are safe. The only problem is that the place of safety has become a prison.
Then one day this verse came alive, Hebrews 4:15a (KJV) For we have not an high priest (JESUS) which cannot (CAN) be touched with the feeling (FEEL) of our infirmities (OUR HURTS).....
Jesus can't not feel our pain. What a liberating truth for me. I found someone who really knew what I knew and felt what I felt. He truly understands. Never would this refuge fail. Never. He cares intensely beyond feelings and emotions into the very depth of my soul. I am in His intensive care.
I am convinced that on the Cross Jesus felt every emotion, every betrayal, every shameful act, the depth of depravity and the height of arrogance. In a few short hours He experienced the full range of man's sinful nature. And for the first time in eternity Jesus was alone. "My GOD, My GOD, why hast thou forsaken Me?"
He spoke those words so that we never have to. Because He knows us so much better than we know ourselves, because He sees beyond our actions and into our hearts, because He sees beyond the scars of sin into the heart of a little child, He will always be there. Because He loves us.
The end of this study ends where it began. In Psalm 142.
Psalm 142:7a (KJV) Bring my soul out of prison.....
I don't have to live behind walls and barriers. Because I am never alone, because Someone is with me every hour of every day, I can open my heart and life to others. Yes, there will be times when I will hurt when I choose to live like this. But it is better to be open and hurt than closed and unfeeling.
And I don't have to come out of my prison in my strength or ability. He will bring me out. It may take a while to "sort out the paperwork of my release". There will be things we have to work out. But one day we will truly walk free.
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I have the heart of a poet, the eye of an artist, and dress like a bum. I am no one important. No title, no position, no authority. Just a normal person. But I know Jesus. And Jesus knows me. And this relationship has changed my life and continues to change my life. I have no desire to be known but great desire for others to know Jesus. I would like to blog about Jesus, christian living, church, hurting, hope. I do not want to lead this blog but follow it wherever it leads.