Test Anxiety

Becoming an EMT (Emergency Medical Technician) was so important to her. She had been taking the classes for months. She had practiced her skills on her classmates, friends, neighbors--anyone she encountered. She had studied and read and practiced and done everything she knew to do to prepare. Now the only thing standing in her way . . . was the test.

Just thinking about taking the test made her feel sick of her stomach. What if she didn't pass? What if she blanked? And even more frightening . . . what if she did? Could she really handle the responsibility of caring for human life in an emergency situation?

Just the previous night they had been practicing scenarios. She and her two partners were "called" to the scene of a shooting. One known wounded was on the floor of the house. Neighbors had heard two voices arguing, gun shots, someone leaving the house, and a car screeching out of the driveway. She and her partners were the first on the scene. Should they wait for the police to enter first? Whoever had been shot could be bleeding to death. They decided to enter the house and care for the victim--after all--the neighbor heard the shooter leave.

Entering the house, they saw the victim on the floor. She moved toward them and began to assess the patient while one of her partners began opening the equipment box. A flash of movement caught her eye and she looked up to see a person with a gun sweep into the room. "Gun" she screamed as she scrambled from the room with her partners in pursuit--then the boom. Police were arriving and entered to secure the scene as they ran for cover. Her spouse was with her--he had read her unspoken signals and had cleared the scene with her, but their other partner was not with them. She was shot--dead on the scene.

Thank God it was all "practice" and none of it real. The third person stood up from the floor after the scenario ended. "Man, you two can flat move . . . I didn't have a chance to get out of there!" Thankful that it was a fake scene, they talked through what they had done right and where they had failed--it seemed their teachers had set them up. There had been a third person in the "fight" the neighbor heard and the person who left in the car had never been the shooter. They were trying to teach the future EMT's the complexities of scene safety. A lesson those three would never forget again--things are not always what they seem.

So, as she tried to calm herself before the written exam, her anxieties grew. Was this truly something she was supposed to be doing? Even if she passed would she be good enough? The first step was to take the test.

In our spiritual lives we often question whether or not we have all the right answers. How do we answer the questioning mind of a child when they ask us "who is God . . . where do people go when they die . . . why did God allow that to happen . . . does God love me?" and a myriad of other questions. How do we answer when someone is hurt and they ask why God is punishing them? Why is there hate . . . prejudice . . . war? We fear giving answers.

These fears are often simple text anxiety. We think God is testing us; potentially tricking us with hard questions that have complex answers . . . and we might answer wrong. In reality, God does not test us. God loves us.

God's love draws us through every circumstance . . . every trial . . . every joy . . . every blessing . . . and every breath we breathe. Matthew 6:34 reminds us "Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes." There is no test--we have no need for worry. We must simply love God and follow the ways of God, because God is always with us--God loves us.

God, we become so entangled in our anxieties and worries that we often miss your still speaking voice. Help us to still our minds and hearts so that we may listen and follow you. Help us to be the embodiment of your love. So be it. Amen.