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Thursday, May 23, 2013
Tiger by the TailPosted Tuesday, December 8, 2009, at 4:15 PM
Get over it!
Now it's time for the humor that comes along with being, well, perfect and then getting caught with your hand in the cookie jar. As a dysfunctional society, I believe this to be part of the 'healing process'. NOT! But it does seem to be the way of our species to get a rush or high off of someone else's unfortunate situation.
Here comes that intimidating voice in bass that does all the movie trailers....
"In a world that desparately feels compelled to create the perfect hero....another one bites the dust!"
At first we thought Tiger was playing an extra hole but it turns out he may have been playing an entire course!
No less than ten women have come forward and claimed to have sexual encounters with The Tiger. At last check, seven of these claims were confirmed! Come again? Confirmed? Ok, what does that mean exactly? Are there pictures? Videos? Other people in the room? How do you confirm a sexual 'trickle through the rough'?
Alright, I, being of sound mind confess that I have had intimate affairs with Brittney Spears, Kaley Cuoco, and Sarah Palin. My buddy Corey Noles has confirmed this so it must be the gospel right? If I were making millions and miliions of green for being on the green then maybe someone looking for an easy payday would jump on the bandwagon and say, "Yes, I made his putter flutter!"
The National press is having a field day with this. So many angles, they don't know which way to swing. Tiger is addicted to sex. Hello? Aren't we or weren't we all at some point in our life addicted to sex? Tiger may have issues with prescription medications. None of my business! Tiger's beautiful wife beat the crap out of him. Sounds to me like maybe he deserved it! Someone pass her a Big Bertha! Tiger's mother-in-law has been rushed to the hospital due to stomach pain. Maybe she needs to burp or fart! Tiger won't talk to the police. So put the squeeze on the police department or better yet let's just talk about Tiger's sex addiction. That's much more interesting and a whole lot more fun to joke about!
Forbes estimated earlier this year that Woods was the first athlete to surpass $1 billion in career earnings, more than 80 percent of that coming from endorsements with companies such as Nike, Gillette, EA Sports, American Express, Gatorade and AT&T. Gatorade has stopped producing Tiger's drink. What will the others do?
One thing we do know for certain is that Tiger Wood's drama will be playing out for a while.
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Bobby is currently the General Manager and Assistant Publisher at the Daily Statesman after serving his term as Managing Editor. He wears many hats in the office, including coordinator of all things online, but his real passion is sports.