Children across America in a Panic

It has come to our attention here in the busy offices of the North Stoddard Countian that a critical shortage of those life-sustaining Eggo waffles has gripped the nation! Frantic mothers are posting urgent messages on the popular social network Facebook, asking for help in finding emergency breakfast material for their starving youngsters!

"Help! Help! My children won't eat anything but Eggos! What am I to do?" one distraught mother posted.

Kellogg rationing Eggo products

According to a memo from Kellogg, heavy rains in October flooded one of their bakeries in Atlanta, forcing the company to shut down production temporarily. To compound the problem, Kellogg's largest waffle facility, based in Rossville, Tenn., needs "extensive repairs," so it is unable to step up to meet this emergency.

Many Eggo retailers are unaware of the problem.

"Well, I knew I hadn't been getting Eggos, but I had no idea that there was a shortage," said Donnie Overby, who handles the ordering at Town & Country in Advance.

Reports indicate that the shortage may last until mid-2010, which will certainly leave dependent children in a sad state of affairs, if they do not broaden their culinary habits.

"That don't affect me!" said one visitor to the NSC office this morning. "We have chickens!"

Mothers of Missouri, you see the path ahead of you. The solution is crystal clear. You must fix up a little pen out in your back yard and raise your own Eggos! Your children can learn good habits by caring for these productive feathered fowl, while harvesting the rewards of fresh country (or city) eggs!

Yes, yes, there will be a certain capital investment necessary: 1 roll chicken wire, eight 6 ft. two x fours, a hammer (which you no doubt already have), some staples or nails, and a house for some sort for protection.

And, yes, there will be the issue of zoning restrictions, if you live in the city. This problem, however, is easily solved by converting that extra bedroom into a chicken coop. The authorities need never know of your perky little pecking pets.

If you decide to get a cute little rooster, you will have the added benefit of a most energetic and original alarm clock! Some authorities also feel that fertilized eggs are more nutritious. And we all know that roosters make a lovely fashion statement for the home, as they are very "in" this year. I myself recently bought a fine ceramic rooster on sale at Hobby Lobby for 66% off the regular price.

All in all ----- I feel this is the perfect answer to a problem which appears to have no short term solution.

From the distant hills of rural Tillman, Mo., this is your downtown reporter Madeline, endeavoring to spread the joys of country living to the mothers of America!