How do we choose a mate?
I've been doing some fascinating online reading in the magazine "Psychology Today." Romantic that I am, I was interested in an article entitled the "Laws of Chemistry," by Dr. Helen Fisher.
Interesting stuff! Her compatiblity test reminds me a good deal of the test for Eharmony, the singles-matching competitor for Match.com. Last year, I was curious about the Eharmony test, so I spent an hour taking it, only to have my dial-up connection quit with only a few questions left. Fortunately, it saved my place, so I could finish it when I went back in.
Of course, Eharmony will bug you to sign up, but you can just delete those messages. It took about six months for them to quit bothering me.
These days, Match.com has its own 56-question compatibility test. In fact, Dr. Fisher wrote the test for Chemistry.com, a subsidary of Match.com. It's a win-win situation for her: She gets paid for supplying the test, and then she gets to analyze the data from the 1.6 million people who've taken it.
The purpose of the test is to determine if couples are compatible by asking a variety of personality and temperament questions. Dr. Fisher even mentions the "sweaty T-shirt experiment," (which I HAVE to find!), but I don't think she's developed any questions to match smells! (You just have to sniff around on your own.)
In her analysis, everyone is divided into four basic catagories - with combinations possible. After having analyzed 523,622 of the first samples, here are her catagories:
Builders (42 percent of the population) seem to be governed by the chemical serotonin. They tend to be social, popular, cautious (but not fearful), rule following, conventional, and often religious or spiritual.
Explorers (only 8 percent) have temperaments which reflect the dominance of dopamine. They are risk taking, novelty seeking, impulsive, creative, and curious. Builders and Explorers seem attracted to one another.
Negotiators, influenced by estrogen, are verbally skilled, good at "reading" people's faces, posture, gestures, and tone of voice, contextual thinkers, compassionate, nurturing, imaginative, and agreeble. Everybody likes Negotiators, except male Builders. Negotiators are mostly drawn to their own kind.
Directors, who express the effects of testosterone, are direct, decisive, focused, outwardly competitive, analytical and logical, and skilled with machines and other rule-based systems. Directors favor Negotiators.
Of course, everyone is a mixture of all these qualities, but Dr. Fisher says that most people have more of one chemical than the others.
She has a short sample test on the site at www.psychologytoday.com under the heading "The Laws of Chemistry."
After all this analysis, Dr. Fisher admits that there is a "magic" to love, and she doubts that we will ever fully understand (or harness) its forces. HA!! That's an understatement!
I think we all want that "Somewhere in Time" love which can transcend time and space.
My question is this: If you could design a test for a prospective mate, what would you ask him/her??
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Take a bit of advice from your blog bud, Minnie..although I found Ducky's responses to be just...ducky!
1) Is a dinner out with you worth shaving my legs for?
2) Does the word, "no" carry any other meaning to you than, "no?"
3) How many trips around a square block area would it take for you to stop and ask for directions?
4) Are the glory days still glorious"...if the answer is "yes," proceed to the nearest high school reunion.
5) Does "turning in" require teeth and/or hair?
6) Do you pay your bank for overdraft privilige? If so, I am to assume you have a reason to do so and once again, proceed to the nearest exit.
7) Do you have at least one child called, "Bubba" or a derivitive thereof? If so, follow the Glory Days party to the exit.
8) Do you consider your sleep apnia equipment normal bedtime attire?...again, follow the line.
I believe these questions reflect considerable experience on the topic at hand!!
We shall add your questions to our master test, Yellow Rose. How could we have overlooked the orange jumpsuit questions??
Guess we could also add, "Do you wear fancy ankle bracelets with a GPS chip?"