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Friday, Dec. 19, 2014

How do we choose a mate?

Posted Sunday, July 29, 2007, at 8:35 PM

I've been doing some fascinating online reading in the magazine "Psychology Today." Romantic that I am, I was interested in an article entitled the "Laws of Chemistry," by Dr. Helen Fisher.

Interesting stuff! Her compatiblity test reminds me a good deal of the test for Eharmony, the singles-matching competitor for Match.com. Last year, I was curious about the Eharmony test, so I spent an hour taking it, only to have my dial-up connection quit with only a few questions left. Fortunately, it saved my place, so I could finish it when I went back in.

Of course, Eharmony will bug you to sign up, but you can just delete those messages. It took about six months for them to quit bothering me.

These days, Match.com has its own 56-question compatibility test. In fact, Dr. Fisher wrote the test for Chemistry.com, a subsidary of Match.com. It's a win-win situation for her: She gets paid for supplying the test, and then she gets to analyze the data from the 1.6 million people who've taken it.

The purpose of the test is to determine if couples are compatible by asking a variety of personality and temperament questions. Dr. Fisher even mentions the "sweaty T-shirt experiment," (which I HAVE to find!), but I don't think she's developed any questions to match smells! (You just have to sniff around on your own.)

In her analysis, everyone is divided into four basic catagories - with combinations possible. After having analyzed 523,622 of the first samples, here are her catagories:

Builders (42 percent of the population) seem to be governed by the chemical serotonin. They tend to be social, popular, cautious (but not fearful), rule following, conventional, and often religious or spiritual.

Explorers (only 8 percent) have temperaments which reflect the dominance of dopamine. They are risk taking, novelty seeking, impulsive, creative, and curious. Builders and Explorers seem attracted to one another.

Negotiators, influenced by estrogen, are verbally skilled, good at "reading" people's faces, posture, gestures, and tone of voice, contextual thinkers, compassionate, nurturing, imaginative, and agreeble. Everybody likes Negotiators, except male Builders. Negotiators are mostly drawn to their own kind.

Directors, who express the effects of testosterone, are direct, decisive, focused, outwardly competitive, analytical and logical, and skilled with machines and other rule-based systems. Directors favor Negotiators.

Of course, everyone is a mixture of all these qualities, but Dr. Fisher says that most people have more of one chemical than the others.

She has a short sample test on the site at www.psychologytoday.com under the heading "The Laws of Chemistry."

After all this analysis, Dr. Fisher admits that there is a "magic" to love, and she doubts that we will ever fully understand (or harness) its forces. HA!! That's an understatement!

I think we all want that "Somewhere in Time" love which can transcend time and space.

My question is this: If you could design a test for a prospective mate, what would you ask him/her??


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Hahahaha!! Yellow Rose, you are GOOD at reading between the lines!!

For a young whippersnapper, you have a lotta common sense, girl!

Never occured to me that the ole geezers could be telling me HALF truths!!

-- Posted by goat lady on Fri, Aug 3, 2007, at 4:08 PM
Madeline Dejournett's response:
Thanks for all your questions, girls (and guys). I believe we are ready to publish our test on "Questions to ask a Prospective Mate." I have no doubt that psychologists and online matchmaking companies will beat a path to our door to purchase copies of our fabulous device for weeding out the wheat from the chaff, the good from the bad, the keepers from the throw-aways, the apples from the lemons...

Goat Lady-you just have to read between the lines. The exercise regimen means he has access to the Wii video game in the dayroom.It has most of those sports.

The 25,000 sq. foot cozy house could have other meanings-1.That's roughly the size of his "retirement"home. I don't think they say nursing home in Florida anymore.

2.He's a homeless dude,and his cozy room could refer to his cardboard box near the large public library (explains computer access).

3.Like the father of the title character in the movie Sabrina, he could be a driver,gardener,butcher,baker or candlestick maker on a large private home.Unlikely that the owner of such an estate would find no single women in Florida.

4.He's telling the complete truth about all above, just leaving out his real name is O.J. Simpson!

-- Posted by Yellow Rose of Essex on Fri, Aug 3, 2007, at 8:00 AM

Hahahaha! Cake Lady, I see that you practice the Boy Scout motto: Be prepared!

You might check to see if you can get a discount on those memorial stones if you buy them in quantity and hide them away in a locked shed out back.

As for those Match.com fellas, be careful there, girl! Did they tell you how fit they were ("I play golf, water ski, sky dive, and run 15 miles a day") and how they live in paradise ("I have a cozy 25,000 sq. foot house on the coast in Florida")??

You can't always believe the sweet stories of an aging Romeo!!

-- Posted by goat lady on Thu, Aug 2, 2007, at 7:30 AM

Oh Goat Lady...I started checking into the sites mentioned above and found the most woderful men!!! They all seem to find me SO attractive and have SO much money I just couldn't stop typing. I've been neglecting everything else and have been up for days now just listening to their compliments!!! Of course, I am married, so I won't take any of this seriously...but like memorial stones...doesn't hurt to have a backup plan...

-- Posted by letseatcake633 on Wed, Aug 1, 2007, at 9:58 PM

Cake lady! You've been sorely missed, my dear!! Where have you been?? We've been treading water without your delicious wit and blog cakes!!

I'll take one of your baking classes! I can make a lovely dessert for one of my golfing Match.com gentlemen..

-- Posted by goat lady on Wed, Aug 1, 2007, at 9:20 PM

Yellow Rose...do I detect a reluctance on your part to participlate in my baking classes? Why, in all my years of instruction, a negative comment has never surfaced...

-- Posted by letseatcake633 on Wed, Aug 1, 2007, at 9:11 PM

That is the ABSOLUTE TRUTH! But, I grew up with the net,so I have a more jaded view perhaps than those who remember pen and paper, and something called letters-lol.

My mom says the above sneered on websites are like pen pals(?) and much easier than a blind date.

She has her "friends" on maryjanesfarm.org-have you heard of it, Madeline, Minnie,GL or cakelady? Anyone?

I think a specific website geared towards others with a common,open agenda are okay,but I guess I am just wary about investing too much of yourself for possible inmates!

I do love y'alls line of questions and I'd add "Do you like orange jumpsuits?" and when was the last time you made a collect call? (inmates have to make collect calls I've heard!)

-- Posted by Yellow Rose of Essex on Wed, Aug 1, 2007, at 6:05 PM
Madeline Dejournett's response:
I've never heard of "maryjanesfarm.org", but the name sounds very trustworthy, with the "farm" in it!

We shall add your questions to our master test, Yellow Rose. How could we have overlooked the orange jumpsuit questions??

Guess we could also add, "Do you wear fancy ankle bracelets with a GPS chip?"

Hey, not so, Yellow Rose! Being the goatherder that I am, I first checked out "Farmersonly.com," when I saw it on KFVS last Valentine's Day. It was a hoot!! Guys are hilarious when they're trying to do something like that! What pick-up lines!! "Well, I'm just sitting out here on the farm with my chickens...." One guy in Alaska was even looking for a girl who could skin a moose!!

Match.com wasn't quite as colorful as FarmersOnly, but it was still pretty funny, and there are a few nice guys on it. Just have to be careful......

Listen, young one, if your guy is so HOT that even straight guys give him their phone numbers, you don't need online dating, anyway! Hehe!

-- Posted by goat lady on Tue, Jul 31, 2007, at 6:15 PM

Fellow bloggers-I am younger and have less life experience than y'all,so I admit I am learning something(not cake recipes-lol).

I always thought Match.com and eHarmony were like the online clearinghouse for sexual predators,parolees, and five people you have seen profiled on America's Most Wanted.

I hardly think they would be deserving of such fine ladies attention!

-- Posted by Yellow Rose of Essex on Tue, Jul 31, 2007, at 5:42 PM

Oh, don't get me started on GOLF!! If I had a nickel for every Match.com man who wants a woman to support his golf habit........!!!

They think all they have to do is post a 30-year old photo of themselves on the golf course.....and they've got it made!

-- Posted by goat lady on Mon, Jul 30, 2007, at 4:39 PM

O my if I had all those quentions to answer I think I would have been out of the mood , the longer the list the shorter the marriage. all it takes is a little love and patients to get over the rough places, of course if both like to play golf it helps.

-- Posted by rusty nail on Mon, Jul 30, 2007, at 12:51 PM

In reference to Ducky's question #10:

1. When you drive over the Bill Emerson Bridge, are you aware that you are on a bridge??

2. Does cat hair make you gag?

3. Do you eat goat meat? (Exit test immediately!)

4. Do you think blondes have more fun?

5. What age woman do you prefer? (If you are 69 and your answer is anything under 55, exit test.)

6. Would your profile read, "Stable single man, looking for woman who keeps a neat house, likes to cook, looks good in blue jeans but can dress to the nines"? If so, exit test and take out a classified ad for a housekeeper.

-- Posted by goat lady on Mon, Jul 30, 2007, at 7:45 AM
Madeline Dejournett's response:
Hahahaha! Girls, girls!! You are BRUTAL!!!

I believe these questions reflect considerable experience on the topic at hand!!

Hmmm.

1. Are you now or have you ever been incarcerated in a local, state or federal institution?

2. Do you have any incurable illnesses or STD's?

If the answer to 1 or 2 is "yes," please stop and exit the test immediately.

3. Do your friends run and hide when you start telling a story?

4. Do you snore and if so, do you rattle the neighbors windows?

5. Do you like animals? Do you prefer dogs or cats? (This tells volumes about the personality of the prospective mate)

6. Do you squeeze the toothpaste tube from the middle or the end? Do you have all your teeth?

7. Ginger or MaryAnn?

8. Do you think laughter is the best medicine? How important is humor in a relationship?

9. Do you like to eat our or do you prefer to cook? (this is a deal breaker for me because I don't cook)

10. Can you see out of both your eyes? If no, do you think it's ok to drive with no depth perception? (trust me, I really want to know this one)

11. Do you still try to sing along even if you don't know the words to a song?

It appears that I don't take this question very seriously, but it's quite the contrary. I've found that (after question 1 or 2) it's the little things rather than the profound philosophical differences that either drive us crazy or make us mesh.

-- Posted by Ducky on Sun, Jul 29, 2007, at 10:04 PM
Madeline Dejournett's response:
Oh, my dear Maddie...

Take a bit of advice from your blog bud, Minnie..although I found Ducky's responses to be just...ducky!

1) Is a dinner out with you worth shaving my legs for?

2) Does the word, "no" carry any other meaning to you than, "no?"

3) How many trips around a square block area would it take for you to stop and ask for directions?

4) Are the glory days still glorious"...if the answer is "yes," proceed to the nearest high school reunion.

5) Does "turning in" require teeth and/or hair?

6) Do you pay your bank for overdraft privilige? If so, I am to assume you have a reason to do so and once again, proceed to the nearest exit.

7) Do you have at least one child called, "Bubba" or a derivitive thereof? If so, follow the Glory Days party to the exit.

8) Do you consider your sleep apnia equipment normal bedtime attire?...again, follow the line.



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Madeline (Giles) DeJournett is the Advance writer for the North Stoddard Countian. A retired high school English/history teacher, she spent 32 years teaching in 5 schools in Missouri and Alaska. These days, she lives quietly with a menagerie of wild and domestic animals on 52 secluded acres in the remote Tillman hills south of Advance. She graduated from Dexter High School in 1960 and Southeast Missouri State in 1964. She can be contacted at advancensc@sbcglobal.net or by phone at 573-722-5322.