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Life on the Funny Farm

Posted Tuesday, October 2, 2007, at 8:22 AM

Here we have the perfect solution for those pesky goats who get their heads caught in the fence, causing their owners to go out to the field 3-4 times a day to pry them free.
Things are never dull on the Funny Farm. Sometimes frustrating, but rarely dull... The latest excitement centers around Patsy, the house goat, who often furnishes me with snippets of silly information for my columns in the North Stoddard Countian. Her latest escapades involve opening the doors to her pen and greeting me on the front porch with the dogs.

Patsy, of course, was raised in my kitchen, an unwise, though (I thought) necessary step, when she was born to a too-young mother. I guess grandmothers have taken that step from the beginning of time...Mom is too young, so gramma raises the child.

Anyway, not that I'm grandmother to a goat.......but, then, if the shoe fits...

The salient point is this: I become far too emotionally involved with my small herd of brush goats, who are managed by my son and I, in an uneasy alliance, often splintered by contrasting views on child...er..goat rearing. In his words, "Mom, they're just goats!" (a phrase guaranteed to cause a major brouhaha)

I just happen to think that, despite their obvious lack of intelligence, goats are just pretty darn cute! I like their eyes especially, and the way they look up at your face, pretending that they understand every word you say. Nothing is farther from the truth, of course, as they don't seem able to put two and two together -- unless it'll get them out of the confines of a pen.

And, yes, the pupils of their eyes ARE rectangular!

Today my PETA daughter called me (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) to ask some advice on goats. It seems that some goats were getting their heads stuck in a fence somewhere and a neighbor had to go get them out. By that time, they were almost dead, so the neighbor called PETA. Kristin is the go-to person on goats, since her mom raises them.

"Mom, do you have any advice for how to keep a goat from getting its head stuck in a fence?" she asked.

Well, I believe I do! It just so happens that a goat-raising friend of mine had the same problem (we all do), and her husband invented a most unique solution. When Editor Bobby posts my photo, you'll see this simple head-saving device, constructed from a simple length of wood, fastened to the goat's horns with radiator hose clamps.

Now we just need a name for this handy-dandy device. Goat Begone? Anti-goat head catcher? Naw....nothing sounds right.

Any ideas?

Signing off from the hills of Tillman, this is your resident goat journalist, Madeline.....

Showing comments in chronological order
[Show most recent comments first]

Maddie ,sounds like you have a solution that will save goats lives, have you thought about getting a patten on your idea and making a lot of money and saving a lots of suffering for the poor animals.

-- Posted by rusty nail on Tue, Oct 2, 2007, at 3:08 PM


GOAT GUARD IS Now Available!!

GOAT GUARD Is All You Need To Keep Your Goats From Getting Their Heads Stuck In A Fence!! No More Checking On Your Goats Three Or Four Times A Day To Unstuck Their Heads!!

The Ancient Secret Of Goat Herders From THE OLD COUNTRY Is Now Out-of-the-Bag!! And You ... Yes YOU!! ... Can Benefit From This Remarkable OLD SCHOOL Technology For the UNHEARD OF LOW Price Of ONLY $39.95! Why Stop At ONE?? Buy 2 For The INCREDIBLE Price Of ONLY $59.95! (Plus $9.95 s/h)

BEAT THE STAMPEDE!! HURRY AND BUY NOW Before These Remarkable Devices SELL OUT! GOAT GUARD Makes A Great Christmas OR Birthday Present For The Person Who Has Everything Else!!

BUY With TOTAL Peace Of Mind!! GOAT GUARD Is 100% GUARANTEED To Work Until It Breaks!!

DON'T Wait! Right Away Send CASH, Mulah, Check, Money Order, Or FRESH Goat Food To:


Box Funny Farm

Hills of Tillman, MO

-- Posted by FJGuy on Tue, Oct 2, 2007, at 3:42 PM

You sold me! I'll take a dozen! Do I get a bulk rate??

-- Posted by goat lady on Tue, Oct 2, 2007, at 5:21 PM

I want ten of 'em...just in case I ever move to the country and buy ten goats and have a fence with mesh large enough for them to get their silly heads caught.

Hope I got to you before they're all sold out. I can only imagine the rush on this precious commodity...it's a wonder I could get through on cyberspace! I thought I'd seen this unique device on the market previously, but I must have been mistaken. I think that must have been the Nann-ee-ator or the Pitiful Patsy Pain Preventor. At any rate, hope they're not sold out! I'm faxing you a check and just mail overnite to:

Bringwine Now

10,000 Just in Case Blvd.

Ibuyagoat, MO (our zip is still under application)

-- Posted by bringwine on Tue, Oct 2, 2007, at 5:27 PM
Madeline Dejournett's response:
I believe we're in business, guys! FJGuy, you're in charge of publicity. Bringwine, you're in packing and distribution. Goat Lady, quality control is your bag. Yellow Rose, you'll handle sales. We'll hire you away from your hairy eye-balled boss and you'll help us make a million!

Goats R Us!!!

I love my goats, they are family to us. I put a role of chicken wire around the first three foot of fence. If someone called PETA on me because my goats head got caught in a fence, I'd probably wrap them in chicken wire.

-- Posted by mobrigade on Wed, Oct 3, 2007, at 8:22 AM

Yeah, I did the same thing on fifty feet of one of my fences. However, chicken wire would get a bit pricey if you had a very big field! The fifty feet of chicken wire stopped one little goat for about two weeks -- until he found the end of it, and then he stuck his head through that! Some goats are determined! Even when there's nothing on the other side to eat!!

-- Posted by goat lady on Wed, Oct 3, 2007, at 8:34 AM

Wow! That is one cool contraption. (Not a bad looking goat, either) Necessity really is the mother of invention. What do you do if your goats don't have horns? I suppose a horn-less goat wouldn't get stuck at all. Goat Guard looks much more sensible than when my brother tried to remove the horns from his baby goats. It hurt them A LOT and it wasn't 100% effective.

Just think of the countless goat lives you've saved. Keep up the good work.

-- Posted by Ducky on Thu, Oct 4, 2007, at 2:44 PM

I don't know many goats in this area that don't have horns, and I've heard the horns are boogers to remove! I do not want to get into the business of dehorning my goats. You can kill the goats if you do it wrong, and the horns can grow back deformed. That's no good.

Besides, the horns do make them easier to catch!

I agree about the goat. Very nice. It's got a lot of Boer blood, much more than mine.

What do you use if you don't have radiator hose clamps??

-- Posted by goat lady on Thu, Oct 4, 2007, at 8:48 PM

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Madeline DeJournett
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Madeline (Giles) DeJournett is the Advance writer for the North Stoddard Countian. A retired high school English/history teacher, she spent 32 years teaching in 5 schools in Missouri and Alaska. These days, she lives quietly with a menagerie of wild and domestic animals on 52 secluded acres in the remote Tillman hills south of Advance. She graduated from Dexter High School in 1960 and Southeast Missouri State in 1964. She can be contacted at advancensc@sbcglobal.net.
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