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Tupperware TraumaPosted Tuesday, December 25, 2007, at 4:55 AM
It's 4:10 a.m. as I begin this Christmas morning blog, and though I've given it a name, who knows where it'll end up? I'll pay for this early-morning vigil, I have no doubt.
I tried to go back to sleep, but it was no dice...Aches and pains can't be ignored, and in a few hours I have to leave for my sister's house in Springfield to visit that side of the family...Not packed..two stories for this week's NSC not done...goats will need a hay supply before I leave...wrap that last present...start a fire...
This is a brain warm-up exercise and a diversion from the aforementioned aches and pains...As soon as I get a couple cups of coffee down, I should feel better...
My darling daughter went back to Memphis last night, leaving me with a much cleaner house than I had before she came, and a cabinet full of new plastic storage dishes. It's all a part of her program to bring Dear Old Mom into the 21st Century.
Here's how it went:
Darling Daughter: "Mom, here are all the bottoms that don't have tops and the tops that don't have bottoms. You have to get rid of them!"
Old Mom: "But those are real Tupperware, and I love that size!"
Darling Daughter: "But you can't use them if they don't have lids! You can keep the one that has a lid."
Old Mom: "But what about these cute little oval ones? Look! (Tap on countertop) This is good Tupperware!"
Darling Daughter: "No, Mom, they don't have lids! They have to go!"
Old Mom: "Well, okay, but these round lids fit that Tupperwear bowl right there."
Darling Daughter: "Yes, but you already HAVE a lid for that bowl. You don't need three lids that fit the same bowl."
Mom thinks about this dilemma and wonders what will happen if she loses that one lid to her favorite bowl, but (against her better judgment) she relents and lets the lids go into the trash bag, only to be haunted by the action the next morning at 3 a.m....What if the lid cracks? Now I've thrown away the spares!)
I admit I can now open up that cabinet door without having to catch something that comes crashing out at me...but I always figured that if the heavy items on the top shelf were secure, I could always handle the plastic items hurling down at me...
The new plastic containers are so elaborate, with their locking lids, that I have to be shown how to open and close them... And all my skill in knowing how to "burp" Tupperware is for naught - because these new 21st Century containers have little vents on top.
Conventional wisdom versus New Age Wisdom...What a dilemma!
"See, Mom, you can put these into the microwave! Just open the vent so they don't explode," says Modern Daughter.
"Explode?" I think, as I remember that jar of baby food that ended up on the ceiling...
I also have a new Black 'n Decker toaster, which isn't nearly as smart as it thinks it is. I am eating nearly-burned toast, as we speak. It seems that, once you push down the lever, there's no aborting the process, like you could with the old toasters. The new one just says, "Oh, no, you don't! This is the setting you chose, so this is the toast you get!" and it keeps right on burning.
And imagine my surprise when it GRABBED the bread! I literally jumped! That is SCAREY!!!!
This morning, after I made my burned toast, I unplugged the big black and silver creature, in case it decides to take over the house while I'm gone...
Heaven forbid there should be an unholy alliance between the Tupperware and the Toaster, while I'm off at my sister's house, blissfully unaware of the dark forces at work in my peaceful Tillman hideaway...
Maybe I should just call and cancel for this Christmas...
Naw...I'll give it a shot. Gotta enter the 21st Century sooner or later!
From the remote hills of rural Tillman, this is your roving report, Madeline, creeping ever so cautiously into the dawn of a new era.
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Madeline (Giles) DeJournett is the Advance writer for the North Stoddard Countian. A retired high school English/history teacher, she spent 32 years teaching in 5 schools in Missouri and Alaska. These days, she lives quietly with a menagerie of wild and domestic animals on 52 secluded acres in the remote Tillman hills south of Advance. She graduated from Dexter High School in 1960 and Southeast Missouri State in 1964. She can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org or by phone at 573-722-5322.