Understanding Engineers 101

Here's a good example of an engineer, standing with his mom and his sister in the Mariott Hotel lobby in Memphis, where he was giving a presentation on "Membrane Technology" (water filtration) at a symposium there. (See my "Adventure in Memphis" blog) Yes, we narrowly escaped death the day before!

He is the typical engineer with three degrees - bachelor's in civil engineering, masters in environmental engineering, and doctorate in environmental engineering. With all the education that engineers have to have, is it any wonder that a woman has to hit them over the head to get them into a relationship?? My daughter-in-law told me that they had been out on three dates before my son realized that they were dating. He thought they were just friends, hanging out! She had to do some major engineering just to get him alone!

He will admit himself that engineers are a breed unto themselves. Why else would Dilbert be his favorite cartoon character?

For all those of us who find ourselves having to deal with members of this puzzling profession, here's your guide:

Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied,"Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if

there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
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What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.
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**Understanding Engineers - Five
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
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**Understanding Engineers - Six
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned It to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's way cool."

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Oh, yeah, this is my son, all right - since he was four years old, working with me in the garden to channel the pond water to the tomatoes, catching the grey bugs on the zuccini, catching frogs in the pond... How this math-deficient English teacher raised a real-life engineer is a MYSTERY... but that's life...It's a conundrum!

From the green hills of rural Tillman, Missouri, this is your roving reporter, Madeline, thanking God for all those wonderful engineers!