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Good clean church humor

Posted Sunday, September 4, 2011, at 11:01 PM

Church Bulletin Bloopers

This photo appeared on Facebook the other day, so it's no doubt gone viral by now. I just had to share it. The bloopers come around on my email periodically, but I hadn't received any for a while, so I had to track these down on the internet. Most are actual notices which have been passed down over the years, illustrating the grammatical importance of keeping all your modifiers in the right place!

* "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."

* Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

* Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

* Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.

* For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

* Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.

* Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

* Don't let worry kill you off--let the Church help.

* Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

* The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

* This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

* Ladies Bible Study will be help Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

* The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. the Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

* The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water" The sermon tonight "Searching for Jesus"

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Years ago an old story going around mentioned the ministers sermon titled "Toss all your liquor in the river" and the closing hymn was titled "Shall we gather at the river".

-- Posted by Dexterite1 on Wed, Sep 7, 2011, at 7:11 AM

A few years ago, I saw this notice in the paper under religious events:

The men will be smoking butts. It didn't specify, and of course we knew what it meant. Smoking pork butts!

-- Posted by swift on Tue, Sep 6, 2011, at 3:57 PM

"Please don't forget the ham and bean supper on Wednesday night. Music to follow"!! These are a gas, MD, my cousin in Bakersfield sent me a list, and it had to be viral because it was catching!!!!Have a great Labor Day, BBQ happening in KC, regards to the Bootheel!!kkr

-- Posted by kkcaver47 on Mon, Sep 5, 2011, at 11:40 AM

Thanks for sharing a good bit of humor on this holiday weekend.

I remember once in the church bulletin---"Bring your family to the altar and leave them there".

-- Posted by Dexterite1 on Mon, Sep 5, 2011, at 6:41 AM

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Madeline DeJournett
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Madeline (Giles) DeJournett is the Advance writer for the North Stoddard Countian. A retired high school English/history teacher, she spent 32 years teaching in 5 schools in Missouri and Alaska. These days, she lives quietly with a menagerie of wild and domestic animals on 52 secluded acres in the remote Tillman hills south of Advance. She graduated from Dexter High School in 1960 and Southeast Missouri State in 1964. She can be contacted at advancensc@sbcglobal.net.
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