The Bureau of Stupid Labels
You gotta be kidding!
A friend recently bought a mop that had the pictured wrapping around it. We couldn't help laughing to think of the mop whirling around on the spin cycle in a washing machine, like a Three Stooges cartoon, slapping Moe every time the handle whipped by.
It reminded me of some of the ridiculous product warning labels which manufacturers are compelled to put on their packaging, in order to convince the slow-witted members of our society not to do foolish things.
When you read the product warning labels on these items, you have to wonder if consumers are really that stupid, or if there is a Committee for Stupid Labels, along the lines of the Monty Python Bureau of Silly Walks.
One of my co-workers at the Statesman office said yesterday that this idiocy started several years ago when a woman sued McDonald's because their coffee was "too hot."
Here are just a few of the ridiculous warnings I found when I googled "stupid warning labels":
"Do not use if you cannot see clearly to read the information in the information booklet." -- In the information booklet.
"Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." -- On a bottle of shampoo for dogs.
"For external use only!" -- On a curling iron.
"Warning: This product can burn eyes." -- On a curling iron.
"Do not use in shower." -- On a hair dryer.
"Do not use while sleeping." -- On a hair dryer.
"Do not use while sleeping or unconscious." -- On a hand-held massaging device.
"Do not place this product into any electronic equipment." -- On the case of a chocolate CD in a gift basket.
"Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking." -- On a toilet at a public sports facility in Ann Arbor, Michigan.
"Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." -- On a pair of shin guards made for bicyclists.
"This product not intended for use as a dental drill." -- On an electric rotary tool.
"Caution: Do not spray in eyes." -- On a container of underarm deodorant.
"Do not drive with sunshield in place." -- On a cardboard sunshield that keeps the sun off the dashboard.
"Caution: This is not a safety protective device." -- On a plastic toy helmet used as a container for popcorn.
"Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks." -- On an "Aim-n-Flame" fireplace lighter.
"Battery may explode or leak." -- On a battery. See a scanned image.
"Do not eat toner." -- On a toner cartridge for a laser printer.
"Not intended for highway use." -- On a 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow.
"This product is not to be used in bathrooms." -- On a Holmes bathroom heater.
"May irritate eyes." -- On a can of self-defense pepper spray.
"Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth." -- On a novelty rock garden set called "Popcorn Rock."
"Caution: Hot beverages are hot!" -- On a coffee cup.
"Caution: Shoots rubber bands." -- On a product called "Rubber Band Shooter."
"Do not use orally." -- On a toilet bowl cleaning brush.
"Please keep out of children." -- On a butcher knife.
"Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less." -- On a birthday card for a 1 year old.
"Do not recharge, put in backwards, or use." -- On a battery.
"Warning: Do not use on eyes." -- In the manual for a heated seat cushion.
"Do not look into laser with remaining eye." -- On a laser pointer.
"Do not use for drying pets." -- In the manual for a microwave oven.
"For use on animals only." -- On an electric cattle prod.
"For use by trained personnel only." -- On a can of air freshener.
"Keep out of reach of children and teenagers." -- On a can of air freshener.
"Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you." -- On a motorcycle helmet-mounted rear-view mirror.
"Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage." -- On a portable stroller.
'Do not use as ear plugs." -- On a package of silly putty.
"Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted." -- On a sign at a railroad station.
"Look before driving." -- On the dash board of a mail truck.
"May be harmful if swallowed." -- On a shipment of hammers.
"Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand." -- In the manual for a Swedish chainsaw.
"Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers." -- From a manual for an SGI computer.
"Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants." -- On the packaging for a wristwatch.
* * * *
Actually, I hadn't intended to post so many, but it was like opening a bag of potato chips--I just couldn't stop!! I especially had to laugh at the warning not to throw the mouse at co-workers! That one opens up a whole new category of inner office relationships...
Comments
- -- Posted by goat lady on Wed, Jun 26, 2013, at 9:54 AM
- -- Posted by swift on Wed, Jun 26, 2013, at 3:10 PM
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