Dexter Daily Statesman

Selective Aging

Posted Monday, July 9, 2007, at 8:04 AM
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Alright, I'm practicing something I like to refer to as "selective aging," whereby sometimes it's appropriate to take advantage of a "senior" thing. Call it "seizing a senior moment," if you will. Like a discounted airline ticket or a good seat on the bus. I'd be foolish to turn down that kind of offer, even if the offer is dependant upon my age. But then, there are other times when I choose not to be included in that elite group of "over whatevers." It defies everything I believe about myself.

Case in point: Kohls gives a 15% discount for seniors on certain days of the week. Goody's does also. And if I wish to get that discount, I will say, "Hey, I'm a senior." "Whack off 15% please." But that little size two girl of 19 behind the counter had better not assume any time soon that I'm eligible for it. I'd rather gladly pay that extra 15% than it be ASSUMED I'm eligible for the cut ! When it happened recently, I was really tempted to tell the size two to go home and ask her mother (or God forbid, her grandmother) if she would like for it to be assumed she's a senior or if she'd prefer to be asked. That option ought be included in cashier training for anywhere that offers the discount. Same with McD's. I'd rather pay that extra .15 for a large cup of coffee than it be assumed I'm ready for the discount. Someday I'll probably not feel that way and I'll no doubt come to expect the discount and berate the size two who fails to offer it. For now, however, they better ask! And for now, I may choose to say, depending upon the mood of the day, "Oh, no thank you, not yet," (Unless there's a substantial savings involved).

Comments
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It could be like one of those medical emergency buttons: "Help, I've fallen and I can't find my remote."

Oh no, I'm becoming all too obsessed with things medic alert. That must be a sure sign of aging.

-- Posted by Ducky on Mon, Jul 23, 2007, at 8:07 PM

"Toupe"! I'll bet I looked for that darn word in the dictionary for 20 minutes last night, and then I just gave up!!

Before I was senile, I actually knew HOW to spell......I think.....

I think remotes should be made with pagers that I can wear on a chain around my neck --- so when I need the remote, I just push a button, and it plays "I heard it on the Grapevine!"

-- Posted by goat lady on Mon, Jul 23, 2007, at 7:58 PM

Now days there are so many durned remotes I can't keep up with them. Tv, VCR, DVD, etc. One is always wedged under a cushion of the couch or kicked under the couch, or in the freezer. Just when you get back to the couch with your frozen popcorn.....

-- Posted by Ducky on Mon, Jul 23, 2007, at 7:29 PM

Hey, you're right, Minnie! My remote was right there in my purse.....

Now, where is my cell phone?

-- Posted by goat lady on Sun, Jul 22, 2007, at 6:43 PM

Minne O'Pausal's response:

Look by the TV.

You have a point on Trump. Why hasn't he at least hired a fantastic hairdresser to give him a new look?

Bald sure beats a topee: Patrick Stewart, most notably. He was voted Sexiest Man some short years back.

-- Posted by goat lady on Sun, Jul 22, 2007, at 6:41 PM

Minne O'Pausal's response:

I agree, gt...never saw a good toupe, although that's really a silly thing to say, since if it was a really good one, I wouldn't have recognized it as a "rug," so forget that comment. I HAVE seen some horendously bad ones out and about and would much prefer to see a shining head than what resembles the content that I've witnessed under my fridge every four or five years when I decide to actually clean under there. I think the only time I do that is when I buy a new refrigerator, and why not? Is there really any sense in cleaning something that no one, no matter what will happen in this lifetime, will ever see??? I kind of feel the same way about closets, but then company sometimes nose into those things. But, under the fridge??? Nah. If anyone has ba...I mean "nerve" enough to actually pull out my refrigerator to see underneath, then they probably deserve to find something for their effort. I things I'll hide an old copy of "True Story" under there just in case.

The Donald is getting bad advice from someone on his hair. Not sure which hair cut I prefer, but his is not right. He has the money, wonder why he hasn't had real hair transplanted or implanted, whatever it is called? Some ladies have told me they love bald. Looking forward to that. Getting close.

-- Posted by I.B. Le Truth on Sun, Jul 22, 2007, at 9:32 AM

You girls are just too fast for me! I can't keep up!!

Little Debbies...Donald Trump and his comb overs...big-time blogger bucks...cloned pullets...

Where is my remote? I need to pause the world so I can get off a minute!!

-- Posted by goat lady on Sun, Jul 22, 2007, at 9:03 AM

Minne O'Pausal's response:

gt..

check your purse for your remote. That's usually where I find mine.

There was a older man who used to come in our office for years who used to call me "Dear". "Thank you, Dear." I wanted to say "You're welcome, Moose." Then it occured to me that he called ALL the women "Dear" and all the men "Sport" and I realized the old coote did it because he couldn't remember any names. Come to think of it, he'd been married several times and I bet he called his wife "Dear" to avoid being murdered if he used the wrong name. He stopped coming in years ago. Maybe he forgot to call his wife "Dear". Maybe his wife fixed one of those "special" cakes.

-- Posted by Ducky on Sun, Jul 22, 2007, at 8:09 AM

Birthdays never bothered me, but the first time a clerk called me "Ma'am" I just about died. Then he just about died. It wasn't pretty.

Too true about the hotties. Those young whippersnappers like Brad Pitt leave me cold. Tom Selleck leaves me weak-kneed. The Donald just leaves. No amount of money would make that man more attractive. A decent hair cut would help. I don't get comb-overs. Do they think we don't notice how silly they look?

How about the man's perspective, I.B.? Do you appreciate The Donald's hair or do you prefer those sleek military hair cuts? Yum.

-- Posted by Ducky on Sun, Jul 22, 2007, at 8:04 AM

Hmmmmm....BIG BUCKS? Hey Min, want to come over for some cake?

-- Posted by letseatcake633 on Sat, Jul 21, 2007, at 5:48 PM

Minne O'Pausal's response:

My dear cake lady...

I think not, unless I.B. is there serving up his pre-packaged, hermetically sealed Debbie's. And if blogging pays big bucks, my check has been mis-directed. Probably going to a "Middie O'Pausal." People confuse us for each other al the time.

Well, I sure don't know why not!! We've mixed everything else up on these blogs - Why not pullet clones??

In fact, I used to keep chickens - long before I became enlightened enough to switch to goats - and I can attest to the fact that pullets would be exceedingly easy to clone!

As for that salary business, Minnie, you'd better speak to your Higher Ups. I hear that blog writers pull down the BIG BUCKS!!!! You might not wanna turn your blog over to the cake lady just yet...

-- Posted by goat lady on Sat, Jul 21, 2007, at 4:45 PM

Me? A blogger writer??? I can't even keep my clones separate from my pullets!!! Then again...do you think there might be pullet clones?

-- Posted by letseatcake633 on Fri, Jul 20, 2007, at 4:40 PM

Minnie, girl, you don't have time to sleep! We are waiting for your searing comments!

Maybe the cake lady could take over for you and run the blog for a day or two!! (Think the Statesman would pay her a salary??)

-- Posted by goat lady on Thu, Jul 19, 2007, at 8:48 PM

Minne O'Pausal's response:

A SALARY??? Do you mean to tell me they PAY people for doing this? I think it's time to call that publisher guy...now where's that TV remote? (and if this makes no sense, read latest blog entry)!

The cake lady could, no doubt, take over with polished ease, but I'm sure she's too busy visiting her local pharmacist to purchase ingredients for her next cake (the one that her most recent spouse so well deserves for the "weighty" comments. When will they ever learn? (Which reminds me, "Where have all the flowers gone)? You had to be there.

Just six weeks Minnie?

-- Posted by I.B. Le Truth on Wed, Jul 18, 2007, at 11:12 PM

Hahahahaha!!! That is a truism if ever I heard one! Poetic justice, I believe it's called.

Minnie, you need to be in charge of television programming! You'd give Morey a run for his money! I can see Rosie and the Trump duking it out on nationwide TV!!!

-- Posted by goat lady on Tue, Jul 17, 2007, at 7:48 AM

I know the one true and gospel thing you have posted here. The Donald is not hot. Even though I normally don't try to rate men as hot or not.

-- Posted by I.B. Le Truth on Mon, Jul 16, 2007, at 9:10 PM

Minne O'Pausal's response:

Agreed. Donald has never been, and should never hope to be even lukewarm, much less hot. I've never cared for Rosie O'D either. I believe just reward for both of them would be to find themselves locked in a 6x6 rubber room with no key for about six weeks. (and no cameras) And may the best man or woman or manish woman win!

Oh, come now! Don't you think Sean Connery orders off the senior menu?? If he can do it, you can, too!

Okay, girls, which old guys are still hot? And, I don't care if Donald Trump does have money - No amount of money will make him hot!

Okay - Patrick Stewart! Yes, bald or not! He'll be hot, no matter how old he gets! Tom Selleck!! Have you seen him in the Jesse Stone made-for-TV movies?? Forever hot! Better than he was when he was young. Some guys are just too handsome when they're young.

-- Posted by goat lady on Mon, Jul 16, 2007, at 8:34 PM

Guess I will have to get uglier. The problem is I probably won't get ugly enough to make money off it. Just to the point where I am ugly, too ugly, but not ugly enough. I still don't like being asked about that senior discount thing. You know I think it is because I am ugly. If I was 00 they wouldn't ask me that. Some of my friends are enjoying it. When we have lunch together they seem to take pleasure from ordering off the senior section of the menu. Can't make myself even look at it.

-- Posted by I.B. Le Truth on Mon, Jul 16, 2007, at 12:06 AM

ib...

it depends upon how wealthy you are. If you're well off, ugly never looked better! I'm still waiting for that wealthy old gentleman with a bad cough.

-- Posted by bringwine on Sun, Jul 15, 2007, at 9:32 PM

I am worried about this a little bit. If you start out ugly do you improve or get uglier?

-- Posted by I.B. Le Truth on Sun, Jul 15, 2007, at 9:07 PM

Oh, wow! Does Sally Field look good on the Boniva commercial, or what??? How can she DO that???

Gotta get the new Rod Steward album! Love him and love the 40's tunes!

Paul Newman is perpetually HOT! However, I remember the first time I saw "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid." Totally flipped over that "new guy" - Robert Redford! I watched that movie a year or so ago, and Redford wasn't nearly as smooth and suave as he got later!

Let's face it, girls. Some things just get better with time. I did NOT like Sean Connery as 00, but NOW? Look out!!!

-- Posted by goat lady on Sun, Jul 15, 2007, at 7:21 AM

Hey, have you seen the AARP magazine lately? Wow, it's not your mother's old tired rag, and that's for sure! I need to archive those issues, so I can go back and reread them. Great ideas, great interviews with old foggies who used to be glamorous movie stars...... recipes, exercises....It's got it all!

And, cake lady, at least your second husband had the decency to die - instead of running off with a young waitress - like your third husband did! (That is, unless you're making up all those husbands, as I suspect!! I keep waiting for you to spring the fourth husband on us poor, unsuspecting readers!)

-- Posted by goat lady on Sat, Jul 14, 2007, at 9:35 AM

Minne O'Pausal's response:

You're right. It's interesting to see those featured in AARP who we think of as perpetually young..Sally Field, for example. She'll always be the flying nun to me. And Paul Newman. Could he really be 80??? And do you realize that Rod Stewart is 66??? Whoa..let me go get a heart pill. In the meantime, if you haven't done so already, take a listen to Rod's "new stuff," remakes of the 40's show tunes, like "That's All," etc. They're wonderful.

My second husband laughed at me when I got my AARP card. God rest his soul.

-- Posted by letseatcake633 on Fri, Jul 13, 2007, at 11:34 AM

Don't know about you all, but I wrap my AARP card in plain brown paper in my wallet.

-- Posted by qglenellyn on Fri, Jul 13, 2007, at 10:27 AM

Oh, yeah..?? In exactly what newspaper did you read that about the ladies and the AARP meeting?? I'd like to subscribe to it. Sounds like some hard-hitting news reporting.

-- Posted by goat lady on Thu, Jul 12, 2007, at 5:24 PM

My wife no like it when people call hon.

-- Posted by Obadieh on Thu, Jul 12, 2007, at 2:46 PM

Yeah, I agree. It is condescending. Sadly, there was article in the paper just the other day about a young waiter who always greeted his mature customers with "What can I get you today Hon?" I hear he was accidently run over by a car full of elderly women on their way to an AARP meeting. Unfortunate.

-- Posted by letseatcake633 on Thu, Jul 12, 2007, at 12:10 PM

Nah, I go through the drive-through, so I don't get close enough to see lumps. Say, what do you think of people who call you "Hon"? Do you find that condescending? I really dislike it! I'm not ready for the wheel-chair, yet, Hon!!!

-- Posted by goat lady on Wed, Jul 11, 2007, at 10:46 PM

Did you happen to see the sweet young man with the lump on his head?

-- Posted by letseatcake633 on Wed, Jul 11, 2007, at 10:25 PM

Hey, the small black senior coffee at McDonald's is only 59 cents, and it's delicious! That's a 30 cent savings! Every little bit helps, girls! And haven't you heard -- 60 is the new 40!

-- Posted by goat lady on Wed, Jul 11, 2007, at 9:56 PM

Oh Minne, I can certainly relate! Wasn't too long ago that, after ordering a bit of lunch at a local fast food restaurant, I noticed a sign under the cash register that read "senior discount". I asked the sweet young man to please give me the discount and he replied "I already did, mam." I didn't realize young people bruise so easily.

-- Posted by letseatcake633 on Tue, Jul 10, 2007, at 9:37 PM

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Minnie O'Pausal

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