I'm on a diet...
I'm on a diet and it's guaranteed to work if you will just stick with it. I call it the "Diet of Indecision." You start by not eating in the morning because you can't decide which diet you want to be on this week; Atkins, or the South Beach, or the Mayo or Weight Watchers, or Walk Away the Pounds, or the Glycemic Index. By noon, you're still wavering, so you hold off. Weight Watchers sounds good, but you don't have any of those frozen meals in the freezer, so hmmmm…Atkins? No, damn, I really like my toast and all that fat just couldn't be good for a body. How about that Mayo Clinic Diet..I'm told it's the one they recommend for heart patients who need to lose a quick 40 lbs. Nah, I don't need to lose 40 lbs. The Glycemic Index makes sense, but who has time to look up all those glycemic thingies? Looks like South Beach wins out for today, but then the prospect of no "white food" doesn't look good. I've discovered, however, that if you put enough of that orange'ish popcorn salt on a big bowl of popcorn, it no longer qualifies as "white food."
SO, I go throughout the day trying to decide and in the meantime, I have nothing, because one food contradicts the other where diets are concerned. And, before you know it, it's 10 p.m. and I've eaten nothing. SO, I go weigh and I've lost a pound and a half. Hey, this Indecision Diet really works! I'll have to try it again tomorrow.
As a postscript, you can't be so indecisive that you try all of the aforementioned diet plans within the course of one day. I know from experience, it doesn't work.
Another postscript…if you choose Weight Watchers, don't go buy the Weight Watchers brand ice cream sandwiches that boast of only two points. When you eat the entire box in one sitting, it kinda defeats the purpose….and you will...and again, I know from experience. Been there, done that.
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It does no good for me to freeze Girl Scout cookies in an attempt not to devour them. They taste even better frozen, so I am thereby justified in eating not ONE box of Thin Mints, but TWO. And I justify that action by reminding myself with each consumption that they're called "THIN" Mints...must be a reason for that.
I tried the frozen popcorn. Not bad, but didn't really taste that different than the regular. There has got to be some merit, though, in the fact that it made it to the freezer and remained there overnight. Still, doesn't hold a candle to a box of thin mints or a half dozen Wt. Watchers ice cream sandwiches. There is also a brand called, "Skinny Cow," (appropriately, I might add) that are really tasty at a lower price. There exists the same problem,however. They're like Lays chips...you can't eat just one. Six will suffice, however.
Is there ever a positive reference to cows? Fat as a cow, feel like a cow, looks like a cow, and what size woman requires a moo-moo?? I think there's some man somewhere sitting back making his millions off all of us who are silly enough to buy into the "Skinny Cow" concept, yours truly being one of them. Makes me mad to think about it, but more importantly, it makes me hungry...surely I can find five or six of 'em in the freezer for a little snack...mooooooooooooooo.