Have no fear....Minnie's back!!!
Yes, I have returned from the land of nod(ding), and am happy to report that all is well, although the waters of the Gulf may be a bit more shallow, having had a gaggle of Missouri maidens making waves in its sea-weedy waters. I seem to have returned with a good portion of the beach's sands in my underwear, so if you're heading that way, you may wish to pack your own.
Am happy to report the grand opening of my first "mart" on the Gulf's coast…I call it "Minnie's Men-o Mart -- Multitudes of Mordant Miniscule Memories and Mementos. Catchy, huh? We sell only things that make you feel better, even if you didn't feel bad going in… Ice cream, wine, chocolate (lots of chocolate), M&M's (plain and peanut), Cheetos, pecan logs, wine, Oreos, a select few bathing suits that are all labeled size 10, even though they're really 14-16's, also tweezers (a must), fans, wine, pink flamingo refrigerator magnets (another must), and sticks with little pelican beaks at the end that aid in picking up things (like M&M bags) so that you don't have to bend over…and did I mention wine? Hired a couple of Czechoslavakian refugees to run the place while I'm gone. They had honest faces and nice posteriors. Should provide a nice little nest egg for my later years. I left to the ka-ching ka-ching of the register as three little blue-haired ladies were contemplating paper or plastic from Hans.
SO, looks like I returned not a minute too soon, as it appears all are conspiring to put an element of "man"kind out of commission...run, Truthy, run! And all this talk of Angel Food and Chili and rapscallions. I tarried almost a second too long. Still, my gracious appreciation to all who kept the blog ball rolling in my absence. Without access to the keyboard all week, I suffered "blog withdrawal" symptoms upon my return. The sun and steady "swoosh" of the tide were my only consolation.
NOW, just thought I would share some recently acquired knowledge.
This is appropriately titled:
What I Learned on my Summer Vacation
Five post and pre-menopausal women CAN pack a five-day trip into one SUV (who needs to see out the back window anyway).
Sand can find its way into body orifices that you didn't know existed.
Souvenir shops can sell anything in the name of the "Gulf."
Sharks are alive and well, in numbers.
Shoe shops are more attractive the further south one travels.
Boiled peanuts are still boiled peanuts.
There is no better diet incentive than a trip to the beach. (Every diet plan in the world ought to begin with forcing each potential victim into a bathing suit for a one-day stay at the beach).
Seaweed at a spa is NOT worth $75 (This knowledge is only attained after spending an afternoon repeatedly wading through a 30 foot wide span of it in order to reach clear Gulf waters).
Books read better when combined with sand and sun.
Any restaurant containing the name, "Joe," "Clam," or "Mama" is worth visiting.
Grandchildren really don't need to accompany adults to any area containing sand until they reach a minimum age of 16. (At that stage, they can assist with the drive, but cannot purchase liquor).
102 degrees is not nearly as hot oceanside as it is 500 miles inland.
Sometimes a 45 SPF sunscreen is just not enough.
No matter how far you travel from home, you run into someone you know. (Just when you thought it was safe to sunbathe).
Cosmopolitans are smoother when served surfside.
That rule you thought was always absurd about seniors being allowed the right of way…might be ok afterall.
Parasailing requires Dramamine.
Jellyfish bite.
Crabs that die in one's possession while in the shell develop a distinct aroma after a few days.
Umbrellas are a good thing...
So are visors.
Even when reversing the same route to return home, it takes twice as long as getting there did.
It's good to be home...and even better to have been missed!
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Dear and glorious, perhaps, but in lieu of suntanned, perhaps "crispy" is a more apt description.
My condolences for not having found a beach at Cape. You could always come by and pick up what sand remains in the bottom of my luggage bags and what I have managed to harbor upon my person..should serve you well enough to constitute a beach when taken and dumped on the banks of the Mississippi.
As far as I.B., we may just have to include him in the next protest and slip him a Lil' Debbie with extra icing, rapscallion that he is. He does still loan a bit of credibility to the "maleism" element of this scenario, however, so let's not let Cake get too heavy handed with the icing.
Good to be welcomed back, but nothing like a trip with good friends, good reading and those Gulf waters to improve one's outlook on life...now if we could just find a remedy for the heat...mmmmmmm...I feel a blog coming on.
And remember, within this blog, I.B. will always remain the underdog.
Oh, it was a wonderfully adventurous face-off today in the hills of Tillman. There was Goat Lady with her pseudo-ferocious bearded friends, and the temptress, Cake, in all her subliminalocity (yep, another Minnie coined wordage) and with her contemptuous baked items about, and Ducky, with ice cream cone crumbs in her ruffled feathers, and finally Yellow Rose with all her "armpit" wisdom. And there was I.B. (is that for Intimidating Bravado?)…with his defenses up, but his dobber down.
Together they faced off in a war of words absent of trebuchets and with no "punkins" chunked, except those kicked up by the heals of hungry goats as they scavenged the remains.
No gloating, only goating…no melons of malice.
They agreed to disagree as to who rules, maleism or femalism, with the understanding that our solo maleism specimen be allowed to contribute his male-ified theories in spite of being outnumbered from the start (a maleism trait to be commended in itself). It was agreed to hold our melons, our cake recipes and our tongues, in the name of peace. (not "piece," as in cake).
And about the time all agreed to peacefully disburse, came a disturbance from atop the hillside within sight of the "bout." It was none other than Minnie herself, showing evidence of her initial layer of skin molting as a result of her recent Gulf excursion and donned in her best chiffon babushka. All were witness to her (my) rushing trek downhill, all the while fending off the mysterious Tillman UFA (unidentified foreign animal…see Madeline's blog). At the inference of my fate being in danger (or endangered), the aforementioned joined forces and came to Minnie's (my) rescue, much to the dismay of the spectating goats at hand, at which time said goats dropped in a dead faint, hence living up to their given name, and thereby feigning off the mysterious Tillman hyena-like creature.
My thanks are extended to all attendees, blogees and bloggers and the blogless.
Sometimes, in the name of peace (or a piece of cake), we just have to agree to disagree!
P.S. All the stress of the day has forced me to indulge in the consumption of ample amounts of chocolate, which has the ill affect of making all of my clothes shrink by morning. Can't figure out the connection.