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How to beat the heat, according to Minnie

Posted Saturday, August 11, 2007, at 10:18 AM

With the mercury rising into the triple digit range these days and with no relief in sight, I thought we could all use a few sensible tips to get through this little taste of hell. Here goes...

Pretend the 102 temperature is a hot flash that just won't subside. It won't cool you off, but it will give you hope that the situation will improve any minute.

Frequent the frozen food aisle of Wal-Mart and pick up a few bags of frozen peas. The cheap variety will do. Place the bags on top of your head and secure them with a nice purple babushka. Chiffon is always attractive. When totally thawed, serve with dinner. Better yet, have someone else serve them to you for dinner. So you see, the Birds Eyes or PicSweets have served a two-fold purpose. (Minnie's always thinking).

Prepare yourself a nice mint julep (heavy on the julep).

Rid your household of anything that draws a breath and might possibly require an effort on your part that may result in the production of sweat, i.e. spouse, children, grandchildren, pets, etc. Lock the door and hide the key.

Turn the AC down to 60. When the electric bill arrives, the spouse/significant other may be allowed back in. They should appreciate the indoor temperature by that time and gladly pay the bill.

A big scoop of Rocky Road on chocolate cake serves as a pleasant reliever also, and if worse comes to worse, invite Cake Lady over to spruce up the cake a tad…it might not lower the temperature outside, but you won't be in a position to care.

Avoid dirty dishes, laundry, dusting, etc…(again, the sweat factor)

Position yourself in a comfy recliner (preferably not leather; we all know what happens when we recline on leather in the heat). In close proximity, place the mint julep pitcher (heavy on the..you know), the remote, a phone, a James Patterson novel, and an electric fan…oh, and don't forget the bag of peas and babushka. Although, for indoors you may wish to switch to an ace bandage and save the good chiffon for Sunday church.

Any other worthwhile tips are welcome!

Showing most recent comments first
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Alas! I don't believe it will ever get cool!! I cannot even bear the thought of buying firewood in this heat. Surely this heat wave will last through December!

-- Posted by goat lady on Thu, Aug 23, 2007, at 9:39 PM

Hot, enjoy it Ducky. Very soon, you will have to head South.

-- Posted by I.B. Le Truth on Mon, Aug 20, 2007, at 8:21 PM

All I can say is they're sure not the DUCK Days of Summer. Wish I could fly high where it's cooler as I.B. suggests. The pavement is ever so hot on my poor little webbed feet. Have you ever tried to find crocs to feet duck feet? It's quite an adventure. I found some fake crocs - guess they're just "gators" or maybe "caymans" - that almost fit. With several hurricanes on the way, this heat must break pretty soon. Poor Gulf Coast.

-- Posted by Ducky on Mon, Aug 20, 2007, at 1:53 PM

Yes, indeed. Good description! However, I also have dogs.....so "Dog Days" are appropriate too.

I also have cats... "Cat days"?

-- Posted by goat lady on Tue, Aug 14, 2007, at 9:29 PM

Perhaps these days should be referred to as the "Goat days of summer."

-- Posted by bringwine on Tue, Aug 14, 2007, at 8:10 PM

Actually, goats are quite remarkably comfortable in hot weather, even without a nice, heaping bowl of Rocky Road. Of course, even nicer is a bowl of Rocky Road over a big piece of chocolate cake!

Unless, of course, the cake recipe has included Cake Lady's "secret husband-eliminating" ingredient!

-- Posted by goat lady on Mon, Aug 13, 2007, at 4:55 PM

I think I may desire to stay under the AC and observe this blog for the next four days.

-- Posted by I.B. Le Truth on Sun, Aug 12, 2007, at 10:46 PM

Better find a way to stay cool. The extended forecast calls for over 100 the next four days. Better put a sprinkler out for those goats gl. I assume the baking will be delayed during this period. Fly high where it's cool Ducky.

-- Posted by I.B. Le Truth on Sun, Aug 12, 2007, at 7:24 PM

Dear glorious leader, we have been in great need of your advice, and you never fail us in our trials and tribulations.

Today's trip to the grocery store yielded the medicinal bag of frozen peas, but I had a bit more trouble coming up with the babushka. I had to use a dishtowel...

However, the Rocky Road is the BEST!! All ailments yield to the delights of RR!!

-- Posted by goat lady on Sat, Aug 11, 2007, at 10:10 PM
Minne O'Pausal's response:

One would think that any local boutique would have on hand at least one chiffon babushka. What is the world coming to??? How resourceful you were, though, to choose a dishtowel to hold the frozen peas in place. I recall a sister of mine who utilized the same device to hold up nylons one time when attending a party date. Worked well until she was jitterbugging on the dance floor and since she didn't double knot the towel, it of course "undid" itself, exposing the terrycloth striped device to the crowd of partygoers. I believe that was the last straw before finally resorting to ask mother for a garter belt. It was the 60's, you understand, and such a request at that time could be likened to asking one's mother nowadays for drugs!

Glad to hear the Rocky Road served its intended purpose. Whenever in doubt, choose Rocky Road. It's the fix-all. Glad to be of service. If we were int he Gulf, we could have just asked one of the Hans' to deliver!

m o'

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