Tuesday, Jan. 24, 2017
If I only had a brain...Posted Friday, August 17, 2007, at 9:47 PM
I'm beginning to understand how the scarecrow felt. If I only had a brain…
I wouldn't make a trip to Wal-Mart for a wedding shower card and come out with strawberries, Wheat Thins (reduced fat, of course), a bouquet of flowers (marked down because their time is just about up), Lemmon & Pepper, a hazelnut coffee-scented candle (just a buck) and a box of Calcium Chews (fat-free) (but no birthday card).
I wouldn't leave three pounds of red potatoes in the cabinet and wonder six weeks later what that horrible stench is. (must have been during one of my "no carb" phases).
I wouldn't wonder why my perm didn't take and then find the unopened bottle of activator on the countertop two days later.
I wouldn't forget my age (sometimes I have to recall the year I started and count forward).
I wouldn't put Comet on top of my lasagna. (they really need to change that Comet packaging).
I wouldn't mistake nail glue for eye drops (only happened once).
I wouldn't leave the sprinkler on all night and wonder why there's a stream running down my road the next morning.
I wouldn't spray my hair with deodorant.
I wouldn't pull through Wendy's and order a Happy Meal.
I wouldn't use a wet washcloth to "clean up" a family heirloom photograph (unless you want a black washcloth and a very smeary photograph).
I wouldn't believe in the promises that all the "ageless" creams proclaim.
I wouldn't put off repairing that underwire before wearing it just one more time (got scars to prove it).
And last but not least…I wouldn't test the theory that powered alum is good for a yeast infection...don't even go there.
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