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Thursday, Aug. 25, 2016
In my next life...Posted Monday, August 27, 2007, at 9:55 PM
I am nothing if not a target for good intended ridicule, therefore I am compelled to expound on a few little traits I have, as I'm sure many of us do, that drive some people nuts. I don't do these things with any intention to drive others in that direction. It's just the way I am and I'm always amazed when I realize how strange others find these things to be. For instance, there is not one clock in my home that reads the same time. I suppose to obtain an accurate reading, one could observe the lower corner of the computer screen. But for my purposes, the kitchen clock is about five minutes ahead to get me to work on time. The bedroom clock is 20 minutes ahead to account for at least two "snooze" pushes each morning. My watch is about seven minutes fast to account for trains, slow traffic, etc. and my vehicle's clock is an hour ahead or behind so I'm always ready for the time change (coming up, you know).
I also procrastinate, to a fault I'm afraid. I'd like to say that it's an age thing, but I'm afraid I've done it all my life. Assignments were always completed at the last minute. Christmas cards might go in the mail on the 24th,(that is, if time allows after I finish my Christmas shopping). Thank-you notes went out only as a result of embarrassment. I always have the best of intentions. Most just never seem to quite materialize in a timely manner. Now, in this age of digital photography, I have yet another admitted procrastination. I take the most wonderful pictures and load them all and never sort them or have them printed. I keep meaning to...maybe tomorrow. And I so envy friends who send cards on a timely basis, and especially those who send cards for no occasion in particular. Those are the most cherished. How I wish I could be that person, which brings me to this point…
In my next life…
I will be disgustingly prompt! My Christmas cards will be addressed and stamped (with $2.00 stamps no doubt) and I'll have all my holiday shopping completed by Halloween.
I will be organized. There will be a specific spot in one of my lower cabinets for just lids..lids of every kind. Pot and pan lids, Tupperware lids, mixing bowl lids. I may even color code 'em. They'll all be stored in perfect order, at the ready for any occasion. And all my dishes will consist of only one pattern.
I'll throw or give away anything in my closet that I haven't utilized in the past two years.
I will have perfectly behaved children and grandchildren, even in Wal-Mart.
I will have only matching towels and wash cloths and they will only come from Macy's or Penny's. Likewise for bedding.
I will plant outside bulbs and flowers that will enable me to have something blooming during each season.
I will be brave.
I will taste anchovies.
I will suck in helium more often with my grandchildren and recite the alphabet (funny how we can't think of anything else to say while on helium).
I'll make more snow angels.
I'll learn calligraphy.
I'll read War and Peace.
I will build a wrap-around porch.
I will read the Bible (Catholics don't do that, you know).
I will have all clocks set at the same actual time.
I will remember to transfer clothes from the washer to the dryer on the same day.
And I will have cards on hand (those good Shoebox Greetings ones) that are fit for every occasion and I will actually mail them in a timely manner.
What will you do?
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