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The perfect man...Posted Wednesday, September 5, 2007, at 10:53 PM
Much as been said on this blog and more has been implied with regard to the "perfect man", an oxymoron if ever I've heard one! But we shall herein examine that term in spite of the nature of the phrase.
Some would argue that there is no such thing. Others would argue that they're married to him. Yellow Rose thinks she's found such a specimen, but I see where she admits she is only 24!!! That nearly disqualifies her to take part in Minnie's world, but since she has proven her worth by repeatedly offering words of wisdom beyond her years, we'll allow her continuing visitations.
Now, for those of us who are blessed with a bit more wisdom gained through experience, let's just take note of just a few attributes that the "perfect man" might possess.
Hmmmmmmmmmm….for starters, we don't need drop-dead gorgeous. That would only give cause for concern every time he'd leave the house. The looks can be very average, but here are just a few areas of concern that might be addressed. His teeth should remain intact and not be transferred to a glass by the bedside nightly. His ears should not extend wider than his shoulders. His stomach should not prohibit seating in a booth at a casual restaurant. (Speaking of which, he should be familiar with restaurants that do not have booths). He should also refrain from asking for ketchup at a restaurant that requires a reservation. A head of hair is a plus, but the perfect male without said hair should have the good sense not to comb over eight lonely strands and call it hair. It's not. We'd rather deal with shine. Last, but certainly not least, all body parts should be in working order, with or without pharmaceutical assistance and preferably without. And he should dance. Often, but not fast if he can't.
With the physical attributes out of the way, let's move onto some other aspects of the perfect male specimen. He must have a sense of humor. Anyone who is to show affection to a woman past 50 must have a sense of humor for a number of obvious reasons. Next, he should enjoy traveling, and should be a good conversationalist along the way. If, however, we feel like dozing, he should recognize the need to stop conversing. On the flip side, he should also recognize that he is not allowed to doze while we drive, unless of course, we are listening to a particularly good book on tape.
The perfect man will not only mind asking for directions when he's lost, but in order to really win our attentions, he should be in the habit of asking for directions to places that are not even in his destination plans just to prove to us that he is indeed capable of going through that process. Oh, if they only knew what they could gain by asking!
The perfect man should not only put the toilet seat down, he should know how to replace it and the floor it sits upon and the wax ring. And he should do it while we're out, perhaps at the beach or at least down the street with out feet up having a Margarita. We don't want to hear how it went; we just want to come back and find things done. Period.
The perfect man would have a mother who never cooked or cleaned, thereby not putting us in that precarious position of having to "top her." He would also love gardening and wouldn't mind doing it by himself sometimes. And he would realize the value of a good foot massage and would have to enjoy one himself. There's something wrong with a person who doesn't enjoy a massage. I wouldn't trust 'em.
A perfect man would also have to be financially comfortable…not loaded (although that might be a nice change), but just secure. Sometimes we just like to order what we'd really like off the menu with no regard to the cost. Now, there's a luxury!
Finally, just honesty, which should have been the first priority. But then, if any man says he possesses all of the above qualities, including honesty, he's not being honest! Couldn't be! He's a figment of our imagination. Ya think?
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