The perfect man...
Much as been said on this blog and more has been implied with regard to the "perfect man", an oxymoron if ever I've heard one! But we shall herein examine that term in spite of the nature of the phrase.
Some would argue that there is no such thing. Others would argue that they're married to him. Yellow Rose thinks she's found such a specimen, but I see where she admits she is only 24!!! That nearly disqualifies her to take part in Minnie's world, but since she has proven her worth by repeatedly offering words of wisdom beyond her years, we'll allow her continuing visitations.
Now, for those of us who are blessed with a bit more wisdom gained through experience, let's just take note of just a few attributes that the "perfect man" might possess.
Hmmmmmmmmmm….for starters, we don't need drop-dead gorgeous. That would only give cause for concern every time he'd leave the house. The looks can be very average, but here are just a few areas of concern that might be addressed. His teeth should remain intact and not be transferred to a glass by the bedside nightly. His ears should not extend wider than his shoulders. His stomach should not prohibit seating in a booth at a casual restaurant. (Speaking of which, he should be familiar with restaurants that do not have booths). He should also refrain from asking for ketchup at a restaurant that requires a reservation. A head of hair is a plus, but the perfect male without said hair should have the good sense not to comb over eight lonely strands and call it hair. It's not. We'd rather deal with shine. Last, but certainly not least, all body parts should be in working order, with or without pharmaceutical assistance and preferably without. And he should dance. Often, but not fast if he can't.
With the physical attributes out of the way, let's move onto some other aspects of the perfect male specimen. He must have a sense of humor. Anyone who is to show affection to a woman past 50 must have a sense of humor for a number of obvious reasons. Next, he should enjoy traveling, and should be a good conversationalist along the way. If, however, we feel like dozing, he should recognize the need to stop conversing. On the flip side, he should also recognize that he is not allowed to doze while we drive, unless of course, we are listening to a particularly good book on tape.
The perfect man will not only mind asking for directions when he's lost, but in order to really win our attentions, he should be in the habit of asking for directions to places that are not even in his destination plans just to prove to us that he is indeed capable of going through that process. Oh, if they only knew what they could gain by asking!
The perfect man should not only put the toilet seat down, he should know how to replace it and the floor it sits upon and the wax ring. And he should do it while we're out, perhaps at the beach or at least down the street with out feet up having a Margarita. We don't want to hear how it went; we just want to come back and find things done. Period.
The perfect man would have a mother who never cooked or cleaned, thereby not putting us in that precarious position of having to "top her." He would also love gardening and wouldn't mind doing it by himself sometimes. And he would realize the value of a good foot massage and would have to enjoy one himself. There's something wrong with a person who doesn't enjoy a massage. I wouldn't trust 'em.
A perfect man would also have to be financially comfortable…not loaded (although that might be a nice change), but just secure. Sometimes we just like to order what we'd really like off the menu with no regard to the cost. Now, there's a luxury!
Finally, just honesty, which should have been the first priority. But then, if any man says he possesses all of the above qualities, including honesty, he's not being honest! Couldn't be! He's a figment of our imagination. Ya think?
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And, did I mention that the perfect specimen would never have to ask what I want for Christmas, birthday, etc? He'd just know, and every gift should come as a surprise.
m o'
We've missed you. I do trust that you found a significant pigment footwear sale at Dillards or Macy's and hope you thought to pick up some flour and vanilla while you were out. One just never knows when the need might arise.
I do agree that I.B. is due for a period in "time out," as you so appropriately suggest. So, Truth or Consequences (if that is your real name)..you are hereby restricted in partaking in this blog of blogs until such time as Minnie deems appropriate, or 10 p.m. Central Standard Time on 9/6/07, whichever comes first. That allows you a good 28 minutes to repent, so start now. I wouldn't want to totally dismiss you, as you do tend to offer colour to this setting, in spite of your gender.
m o'
Meant to mention, but apparently forgot..imagine that. Yes, interesting that we should both assign "honesty" as a priority and yet both of us fail to mention that until nearly the end...could it be that neither of us really EXPECT it!? Hmmm, a bit of bashing at work, I'm afraid. Sorry, Truthy, and by the way, you can come out of "time out" now. I hope you've learned your lesson. May there be no more "seats up" left at your house.
m o'
You ask why it is, perchance, that if the "fairer" sex wishes do be noticed for their brain above all else, then why is it that surgeons are making their millions by placing implants in various areas of their anatomy????
Here is your answer, such as it is, and you'll be sorry you asked, I.B.
This fairer sex of mine chooses (as time and cash allows) to implant here and there and to lift there and yonder) in an effort to impress the notably "unfairer" sex. And the reason for that….BECAUSE THOSE IMPLANTS ARE THE FIRST (AND SOMETIMES THE ONLY) THING THEY NOTICE!!! They don't pay any attention to the brain of a woman who passes them on the street or sits across from them in a restaurant or sports bar. When was the last time you heard another guy say to you, "Would you get a load of that brainy girl over there!"
And so, your gender has forced us to display and enhance certain attributes that amazingly provoke interest on your gender's part, but only with the anticipation that you will eventually come to your senses and appreciate the female for more than what is evident upon the surface.
I would venture to place bets, however, Truthy, on this…that all of those wealthy plastic surgeons who daily place implants into those who can afford the insertion of those gel- packed ziplock bags….every one of them, I'm betting…………
………put the seat down.
We must be on the same wave length this evening..members of the Friday evening Lonely Heart Club! Minnie just responded to Truth seconds ago! Great minds...
m o'
We do seem to be "movers and shakers" on this line of thinking..says volumes for our social endeavors, doesn't it!!
Cake, I'm afraid all I learned the second time around is that a leopard doesn't change its spots! I can only say that I wish Cake was an acquaintance back then. I could have used a good recipe.
I.B., truer words were never spoken regarding the Perfect One having been crucified. I recall having met a few in my lifetime, though, who thought they could take His place! Those are the worst kind.
Advertisements...hmmmmmm...a blog for another time. I'm busy this morning making imaginary pink frosted cupcakes with a little three year-old who likes to do dishes and thinks funnells are birthday party hats! What fun!
m o'