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If a woman...Posted Wednesday, September 12, 2007, at 8:55 PM
In all my magnificent, momentous, mythical, monumental, marvelously miniscule Minnie wisdom, I have curiously and cautiously contemplated this entry. In spite of myself, I still am compelled to pass on these words of Minnie wisdom to the unsuspecting maleisms who frequent this site. It should be considered a valuable tool for all men. I consider the content herein words to live by...FOR men FROM menos. Consider yourself most fortunate, if you are of the male persuasion, to be among those who are chosen to benefit from this most confidential information. I shall title it....
If a woman...
If a woman asks you, "How much do you think I weigh?" Tell her, without hesitation, "110…Tops!" I don't care if she tops the scales at 310, tell her 110. You'll be glad you did.
If a woman asks you, "What dress size do you think I wear?" and the size 24 tag is dangling on the outside of her moo-moo….tell her "Size 8."
If a woman asks you, "Does this outfit make me look fat?" …DON'T pause, don't hesitate for a meno moment…as quickly as you can spit the words out, state "FAT???? Are you kidding me?" (Even if you're thinking "fat" doesn't begin to describe it…even if she can't see her feet).
If a woman tells you, "I'm thinking of redecorating the house," get a pen ready, cause you're about to sign some second mortgage papers.
If a woman tells you, "Hmmmmmm…about those pants…" Go change.
If you ask a woman, "What's wrong?" because you know something's wrong, and she answers, "Nothing's wrong," …..get a lawyer, cause something's wrong.
If a woman tells you, "I'm on a diet" and she means it…get ready, 'cause you're on a diet too.
Any other offerings of wisdom for our maleisms?
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