If a woman...
In all my magnificent, momentous, mythical, monumental, marvelously miniscule Minnie wisdom, I have curiously and cautiously contemplated this entry. In spite of myself, I still am compelled to pass on these words of Minnie wisdom to the unsuspecting maleisms who frequent this site. It should be considered a valuable tool for all men. I consider the content herein words to live by...FOR men FROM menos. Consider yourself most fortunate, if you are of the male persuasion, to be among those who are chosen to benefit from this most confidential information. I shall title it....
If a woman...
If a woman asks you, "How much do you think I weigh?" Tell her, without hesitation, "110…Tops!" I don't care if she tops the scales at 310, tell her 110. You'll be glad you did.
If a woman asks you, "What dress size do you think I wear?" and the size 24 tag is dangling on the outside of her moo-moo….tell her "Size 8."
If a woman asks you, "Does this outfit make me look fat?" …DON'T pause, don't hesitate for a meno moment…as quickly as you can spit the words out, state "FAT???? Are you kidding me?" (Even if you're thinking "fat" doesn't begin to describe it…even if she can't see her feet).
If a woman tells you, "I'm thinking of redecorating the house," get a pen ready, cause you're about to sign some second mortgage papers.
If a woman tells you, "Hmmmmmm…about those pants…" Go change.
If you ask a woman, "What's wrong?" because you know something's wrong, and she answers, "Nothing's wrong," …..get a lawyer, cause something's wrong.
If a woman tells you, "I'm on a diet" and she means it…get ready, 'cause you're on a diet too.
Any other offerings of wisdom for our maleisms?
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I would not be so hasty in using the "L" word...let us rather say "infer" or "pacify" or "protect oneself from physical harm by choosing appropriate responses," but not LIE!! We have certainly learned from our Vatican teachings, as I'm sure you have in your "fatherly" role, that lying is not a good thing.
P.S. We all so enjoyed you on SNL.
I, for one, welcome Guido to our little world, but like Ducky, I contend that he's taking some of our comments just a bit too seriously. Guido, we don't use the site to praise the efforts of the common man, cause, quite frankly…what fun would that be? There is considerably more quality time spent in citing the "other side." Let me clarify, now, that we're not "bashing" the maleisms among us, except in cases where it is obvious that they deserve it. We're merely taking note of some of the traits, habits, and primarily attitudes, that they exude among us. Sometimes one just has to laugh, and that is the foremost intended purpose here. I'm confident that if said maleisms had the platform that we herein so enjoy, we'd be the ones begging for mercy..
Now, on the honesty issue...I've witnessed relationships that went bad due to the dishonesty of the male and I've witnessed some that ended due to the dishonesty of the female. And I've witnessed both as they tried to justify their deceptions time and time again. I've witnessed forgiveness and I've witnessed harbored resentment for a lifetime which is no forgiveness at all. I've learned this...if you're going to tell smoeone you forgive them for a wrongdoing, then really forgive them. That means don't bring it up again and don't use it against them and vice versa. To forgive is one thing, but to truly forget is yet another. I think that we seldom "forget." We put episodes behind us, and we get "past" it, but we don't just dismiss it. They serve forever as life's lessons. Such things do become less and less relevant over time and it never ceases to amaze me how much what I thought was the end of my life as I knew it years ago means nothing at the moment. SO, time is the best healer!
Always good to get your input and isn't that what those maleisms are for anyway...to take in stride! I know should the occasion arise to bake up that special culinary classic, you won't be stingy with the vanilla.
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