What are they thinking?
Every so often I come across packaging information or other consumer data in the realm of "information" that is just not right. One has to wonder just what in the world the authors of this information were smoking when they arrived at their respective conclusions.
Case in point…a 6.5 oz. Bag of Ruffles potato chips…not just any chips, but Light Original Fat free, made with Olestra chips. (What is that Olestra, anyway?…made from owls or ole's or ostler's or very small orchestras that didn't quite make the grade?) Packaging claims that one serving consists of one ounce, which is about 17 chips. Information on the packaging states that there are seven (7) servings in one bag!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
There are TWO servings per package….TOPS! And that's to the same individual who tore open the package. The servings might be consumed (or gobbled) 30 minutes apart, but ok, I'll give in that they serve as two separate servings. But, HELLO??? To separate this bag into seven separate and individual servings is like instructing Adam to just take enough skin off the apple to cover his eye tooth. It ain't gonna happen. And besides, they're fat free, so what difference does it make? Doesn't that phrase alone grant free reign?
Similarly, a can of soup, which requires no water to be added, and accommodates one cereal bowl quite nicely, says it contains 2.5 servings. I DON'T THINK SO! Not on the best of days. Not even on a low-carb day. One serving…TOPS. So, why not just let the label read, "One can is one meal." End of story.
Even a 14.5 oz. Can of green beans…GREEN BEANS, for God's sake, says it'll serve 3.5 people. I think not! Two at best. And if it's a no or low-carb day, it's the whole can, easily.
Oreos….we won't even go there.
Even one of those items that is supposed to be GOOD for us is broken down into one individual serving…that's the Spring Valley brand Chewable Calcium wraps for Women!! One serving is 20 calories and 4 carbs, with 2 sugars. That is, unless you choose the Sugar free calcium chews, which I do sometimes, but am finding in the heat that they're very difficult to open. So, I'm sticking to the regular, heaven forbid. And I'm finding that I need about three at a sitting to satisfy. I'm either going to have the strongest bones in town or the worst case of calcium deposits on my hips! (Take it off, doc, I dare you!!)
And now, the worst offender on the list of "Packaging Information Providers,"….the Skinny Cow recommendation. REALLY! What are they thinking? One Skinny Cow is not one serving, not by a long shot, ESPECIALLY on a low-carb day. One plastic wrapped, find-a-pocket knife-to-open-in-a hurry, sealed six servings per package is… ONE serving in disguise. Plain and simple. Easy. And that includes sucking the outer covering of cake-like perforated chocolate off one's fingertips.
I believe, in all my Minnie wisdom, (and there's plenty), that behind the computer that is producing all of the serving size data, sits one teeny-tiny malnourished 85 pound 28 year-old who uses the words, "it's like" too often in her vocabulary, and has without fail been able to look directly downward and been able to quickly identify her own feet, unlike the majority of us.
I think that 50 something-plus women should have some say in the portion size that is included on today's packaging. After all…we're the ones consuming most of it, especially if it involves chocolate.
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I have a dilemma of greater importance on my agenday presently, however. It is this...
If ONE spray of Fat Free Parkay 44% Vegetable Oil Spread Spray contains zero calories, zero transfats, zero cholesterol, zero calories from fat, zero saturated fats, zero polyunsaturated fats, zero monounsaturated fats, and of most importance...NO CARBS...then how many of the above do 57 sprays contain???? Does the rule of Zero times Zero being zero still apply??? I was so inquisitive that I actually was driven, for the first time in my Minnie life, to call the toll free number of 1-800-988-7808 and inquire. Well, all that I can say is you have to dial it yourself to understand. How any grown adults can sit around a table and agree as to what options might be included on this call help line...well, it's just beyond me. Keep in mind there are people who are getting paid (very well, I'm afraid) for designing these help lines. Please dial away and let me know how helpful they were.
and learn now how to Skinny Cow share,
I know from whence I speak, it's true,
for I'm a Skinny addict too.
Intentions are to reach for one,
but all are gone before I'm done.
Somehow they jump from pack to mouth,
with good intentions heading south.
Oh, woe we are; we've all been cursed,
Could this infliction get much worse?
We need to beg for, on our knees,
A cure for Skinny Cow disease.
a bit pudgier over the years;
Since she dines all alone
till the "cows" all come home,
as the ninnies depart amidst tears.