From the bottom of my heart...
In the wake of the Marion Jones steroid use scandal, and still having in mind the woes of Barry Bonds and Mark McGwire and the rest, I am compelled to make a confession of my own. That's right… (can you see the tears flowing here?) I'm standing before you (well, ok, so I'm sitting, but it's late and I'm tired) because I could no longer live with the deception, the total denial, the ruse, the sham, the shame of it all.
And so, at last, I choose to free myself of years of guilt right here, right now, by hereby admitting to the world to having taken over-the-counter hormone replacement therapy drugs at the height of my menopausal career. Whew!!….I feel better already. Actually, I felt better soon after taking them, which explains why I went back for more. I wouldn't call it an addiction, just a driving force that would put me ahead in this game. I wanted to be the first on the block to finish, just like McGwire and Bonds wanted those homers…I wanted a good night's sleep and dry sheets.
Estrovan or Ecovan or Overall or Enditall…If it had "Relief" on the label and made reference to restoring my memory, it was accompanying me to the cashier! I can't recall which I took (so obviously they didn't hold up to their end of the bargain on the memory thing). And I think I took it for about two months in the late 90's, so maybe I won't have to testify before Congress over this. I felt so guilty; I'd go out of town after sunset and to neighboring town's WalMart stores, so as not to be reported to the Menopause Mounties.
But now, the time has come…in light of Marion's emotional announcement this week. She has only her gold medals to return. If convicted, I'll be forced to give back my sanity…..hmmmmmm, maybe that wouldn't be such a tall order after all.
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Oh, there he is....here, little Brownie...I have a special friend I want you to meet.