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Monday, July 28, 2014

From the bottom of my heart...

Posted Sunday, October 7, 2007, at 9:42 PM

In the wake of the Marion Jones steroid use scandal, and still having in mind the woes of Barry Bonds and Mark McGwire and the rest, I am compelled to make a confession of my own. That's right… (can you see the tears flowing here?) I'm standing before you (well, ok, so I'm sitting, but it's late and I'm tired) because I could no longer live with the deception, the total denial, the ruse, the sham, the shame of it all.

And so, at last, I choose to free myself of years of guilt right here, right now, by hereby admitting to the world to having taken over-the-counter hormone replacement therapy drugs at the height of my menopausal career. Whew!!….I feel better already. Actually, I felt better soon after taking them, which explains why I went back for more. I wouldn't call it an addiction, just a driving force that would put me ahead in this game. I wanted to be the first on the block to finish, just like McGwire and Bonds wanted those homers…I wanted a good night's sleep and dry sheets.

Estrovan or Ecovan or Overall or Enditall…If it had "Relief" on the label and made reference to restoring my memory, it was accompanying me to the cashier! I can't recall which I took (so obviously they didn't hold up to their end of the bargain on the memory thing). And I think I took it for about two months in the late 90's, so maybe I won't have to testify before Congress over this. I felt so guilty; I'd go out of town after sunset and to neighboring town's WalMart stores, so as not to be reported to the Menopause Mounties.

But now, the time has come…in light of Marion's emotional announcement this week. She has only her gold medals to return. If convicted, I'll be forced to give back my sanity…..hmmmmmm, maybe that wouldn't be such a tall order after all.


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Excellent. I'll meet you there any time you say.

-- Posted by Ducky on Wed, Oct 10, 2007, at 1:11 PM

Doooooooooooomed!!!! Hahahahaha! (more maniacal laugher ricocheting off the cavern walls!)

My, my, we do have a pleasant assortment of creepy, crawly things from which to choose, don't we? Wolf spiders...friendly little brown spiders...camel spiders!!! I see definite possibilities in the offing!

I'm pretty sure the Statesman opens its doors for the public at 8 a.m, but I know for a fact that the editor arrives rather early. He might be receptive to a little convocation of arachnids, if we can confine the leggy little creatures to Corey's cubicle.... I know an unguarded back way into the building....

-- Posted by goat lady on Tue, Oct 9, 2007, at 5:48 PM

What were those spiders they showed on tv the other day - the ones that the soldiers in Afghanistan have trouble with? You know, the ones that look about the size of a camel? Hey! I think they called them camel spiders. I have a friend about to come back from there - I'll have him package up a few of those big, bad boys for ol' Corey N.

I think the Statesman workers need to keep a camcorder on hand at all times, every day. You never know when one of Minnie's Minnions will strike. I particularly like the idea of posting the video on youtube. Hahahahahahaha (maniacal laugh). Doomed. Doomed, I say.

I'll have my winged warriors load up with assorted arachnids (instead of fall produce) with which to shower Corey N as he enters/leaves the building. I understand those little brown recluses really burrow into one's hair to hide and do other nefarious deeds. Watch the skies Corey N. Beware of ducks who fly by both day and night.

-- Posted by Ducky on Tue, Oct 9, 2007, at 10:58 AM

GL-Corey has shown a real preference for the large scary spiders.Only women know a brown recluse is worse than a tarantula!

What are those lovely beasts called you find in the country-wolf spiders?

I know you all have sources,and I'm sure that the editor would enjoy hearing Corey scream like a girl. When Corey goes to lunch,or leaves,just put his new BFF in a jar under his desk in a paper bag,but put one on top of the desk in a jar(if you so wish).

Then as Corey freaks out,have someone say,"how did the big one get out?"

Make sure this is Bring your fully charged camcorder to work day,so everyone can enjoy it at the Christmas party,as screensavers,on youtube,etc.

-- Posted by Yellow Rose of Essex on Tue, Oct 9, 2007, at 9:17 AM

Ah, dear foolish, foolish Corey! You have no idea of the depths of a woman's cold, cold heart!!

Minnie, dear - I have an ample supply of those cozy little spiders lurking in my woodpile... I shall go out and entice them into a glass vial for transport to the Statesman office, where I think they will fit quite nicely into the dark recesses of Corey's desk.

I feel that he is in desperate need of company in his lonely cubicle! Perhaps our little brown friends can talk some sense into this poor, delusional reporter...

-- Posted by goat lady on Tue, Oct 9, 2007, at 7:42 AM

Now that's just cruel Minnie

-- Posted by CoreyN on Tue, Oct 9, 2007, at 6:54 AM

My second husband once questioned my sanity. God rest his soul.

-- Posted by letseatcake633 on Mon, Oct 8, 2007, at 7:31 PM
Minne O'Pausal's response:
Hmmmmmm....where is that cute little Brown Recluse I saw runnning about earlier?

Oh, there he is....here, little Brownie...I have a special friend I want you to meet.

Hmmm.CoreyN-thorn in beloved Minnie's side.He shall RUE THE DAY he took our Minnie's blog in vain.

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill!!

I think now that we know his Achilles heel is spiders,one of his blogsters suggested telling his secret Santa. I think he needs a secret pal instead so we don't have to wait until December for revenge.

Plenty of very realistic Halloween spiders around that will fit nicely in his desk,car,etc.

FJGuy can begin the script for the new thriller"Whatever Became of Baby CoreyN"

It will be a sad,sad,brutal ending no doubt.These things never end well.

-- Posted by Yellow Rose of Essex on Mon, Oct 8, 2007, at 6:28 PM

I too was on a steroid for a ear infection , this infection was so bad that it made me so dizzy I could hardly walk, I was only on it for a couple of weeks but once it was gone I wanted more but the DR. said no and my family DR had a fit when he found out that I had taken the stuff but it worked.

-- Posted by rusty nail on Mon, Oct 8, 2007, at 5:11 PM

WHAT??? How dare that rapscallion Corey cast dispersion upon our glorious leader!

Ducky, gas up your legions of fowl followers!!

Cake Lady, I trust you have stockpiled ample quantities of vanilla for the mountains of blog cakes which we will hurl over the ramparts with our trebuchets!

I, the great Goat Lady, will mobilize my minions of nimble foot soldiers for the massive ground assault!

Yellow Rose, are you among the living?? If so, we shall employ your multitudinous talents in this Great War to End All Wars!!

Assemble in the field of battle at once!!!

-- Posted by goat lady on Mon, Oct 8, 2007, at 4:26 PM

Oh Corey. Foolish, foolish, man.

Finding fault with our beloved Minnie is an activity fraught with danger.

Cake Lady, do you still have any of that rapscallion sauce in your freezer? I feel another road trip coming on.

Hey Goat Lady!!! Wake up! Once again there is danger outside the ramparts.

-- Posted by Ducky on Mon, Oct 8, 2007, at 3:09 PM

Lynching may be the least of your worries Corey...criticism of our dear leader does not sit well with the legions of Minnie devotees. You may have just instigated a call to action. Be wary of ducks and goats and cakes.

-- Posted by letseatcake633 on Mon, Oct 8, 2007, at 10:58 AM

Now, Minnie. In order to give your sanity back you would have to still be in possession of it.

Do you really expect us to believe you still have it?

I'll bow out now before I'm lynched.

-- Posted by CoreyN on Mon, Oct 8, 2007, at 10:20 AM


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