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Coming full circle...

Posted Tuesday, October 30, 2007, at 9:49 PM

With insurance rates being what they are, and deductibles soaring into the thousands of dollars, it is becoming more and more clear that there is much truth in a theory that I was first introduced to a few short years ago. I believe that theory needs now to be expanded upon in order to accommodate a changing society.

The theory has to do with the fact that as we age, we revert back to where we began. Upon birth, we had no teeth. That time will come again for most of us. We were (most of us anyway) bald-headed and totally dependent upon someone else for our everyday needs. I find the remains of a full head of hair in my brush every day.

By some standards, we do not reach the age of reason until the age of about seven. By all indications, we lose it later on, earlier for some than for others. We also cannot drive when we're little. Need I say more on that subject?

Naps are a good thing when we're tiny. The older we get, the more we welcome them back into our lives.

We start out with soft foods and hmmmmmâ€*yep, that too.

Babies often need to be rocked. That would explain that wooden thing on the front porch.

Toddlers are a bit unsteady on their feetâ€*another hmmmmm, which would explain that metal walker thing as opposed to that round walker thing with playthings on it.

At about nine months, babies don't like strangers and have little tolerance for them. About 90 years down the road, the same rule applies.

Upon birth, eyesight is nothing more than a blurâ€*and the older we get, the blurrier it becomes once again.

Remember how you loved to be have stories read to you when you were little? The day will come when someone will be reading you your mail.

Once little ones can tolerate solid food, parents have to use good judgment and not give them anything too spicy. Yep.

Babies don't like loud noises and often awake cranky when such noise is present. History repeating itself for sure.

Remember those orthopedic looking shoes made especially for learning to walk withâ€*.hmmmmm.

Ok, so you get the picture? We all eventually revert back to our beginnings. So, I think that it is not an unreasonable thing to expect our children to accommodate us in the same manner in which we once accommodated their every need. I believe they should pay our insurance premiums and be responsible for the deductible. I believe that they should prepare our food occasionally and watch the spices. I believe their children should refrain from loud noises in our presence and I believe if they can't read to us, they should at least write to us occasionally. Don't you agree?

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This is such a good blog...and has brought up a very good point...our parents took care of us...we should, in turn and when the time comes, take care of them. Of course, in our society, it is much easier to just dump them off in some half-wit "nursing facility" so we can move on w/ our lives...but THAT SHOULD NOT BE THE CASE! Some truly believe that, b/c they have to work and what-not, that putting them somewhere that can care for them the way they need cared for 24/7 is the honest, right thing to do. IT'S NOT! I have worked in these so-called "nursing facilities." There are the occasional few that really do care...but most do not! They are there for the money, not the job. It's the main reason I quit working for these places. I LOVE caring for people! Would you really rather take the chance of your loved one being abused and thrown into all the diseases that go around these places? Or would you rather live off welfare for a short time and be there for them like they were there for you? My dad is 63, and I am 27...I have 2 small children (whom have been taught to respect their elders), but you can guarantee I would give up every penny I have earned and moment I have to care for him...b/c he did it for me. Turn about is fair play...enough said.

-- Posted by mrsdolphin on Wed, Oct 31, 2007, at 9:18 AM

Wow, let's hope our kids feel the same, mrsdolphin!

I have another item to add to your list, Minnie: When we're little, we don't know how to read, write or spell, do we? Well, my recent mental blocks have made me wonder if I'm entering my second childhood. I am forgetting how to spell! Yesterday, I wanted to write "disguise." I had NO idea, so I tried to sound it out, and I think it came out "descuise." No way could I get the "q"! Then, this morning it was "metabolism." It came out "matabilism," I think...

There are times when my mind goes blank, and the word is absolutely FOREIGN!


-- Posted by goat lady on Wed, Oct 31, 2007, at 3:39 PM

This is my payback for all those years when I marked up my students' papers with a red ink pen!!!

-- Posted by goat lady on Wed, Oct 31, 2007, at 3:40 PM

For Mrs. Dolphin...

You are wise beyond your years, much like our Yellow Rose friend. It's too bad that young women with your compassion don't stay in the field of healthcare facilities...that way those of us who may have an address there down the road would know we'd be in good hands!

-- Posted by bringwine on Wed, Oct 31, 2007, at 6:59 PM

I think you should ask your parents what they want wile they are still able to give an answer. Some of us would prefer to go to a Nursing Home even though I know that most of them aren't the greatest places in the world.

I don't know if I want to ask my children to go through what my parents went through with their parents and what my family had to do to take care of my father and mother.

-- Posted by I.B. Le Truth on Wed, Oct 31, 2007, at 9:40 PM

I feel the same way Mrs.Dolphin,except my grandparents have made their own plans.When the time comes,they WANT to be somewhere other than home.

We have argued,begged and cajoled even,but they say their home is not a hospital, and they did NOT enjoy taking care of their elders,while still working and raising a family.

So,we find out we are not the Waltons,or the Clampetts with Granny.Heck,even,the Munsters had Grandpa!

I think with some illnesses there is so much personal indignity that is the real issue. They don't mind a stranger changing their diapers,or complaining to them,that is not the memory they want to leave us with. What can you do?

Any nursing home is a bad place if family and friends rarely visit. My mom says that you have to visit every day and stay involved with EVERY aspect of their care,just like you would if they were in ICU at a hospital or even a child in daycare.If this is too tough for people,how could they really take care of someone in the home? With some of the illnesses people live longer,need much more care,but sometimes the "caregiver" is not physically able to handle the patient. You have to have more than one person to pick someone up off of the floor,the bathtub,and try doing that with a bad back or arthritis,or perhaps a heart condition-it's unsafe for everyone.

I hope if you ever have to do this Mrs.Dolphin your health allows you to, the decision has been taken out of our hands.

I really dread the day when we have to do this,so we all make an effort to be out at the farm as much as possible,and we "double-date" with them-dinner and a movie. I don't think they realize sometimes how much fun this is,my boyfriend and my grandpa although could not make me watch Pyscho again. If I wanted nightmares,I'd eat tunafish with milk for supper!

-- Posted by Yellow Rose of Essex on Thu, Nov 1, 2007, at 8:00 AM

I am sure that my children will dump me at a nursing home and be on their merry way. Children today are too much into their own lives to worry about the parents. Children still take from mom and dad and will never give anything in return. "Cats in the Cradle"

I am also sure that when/if I get to the stage where I am in need of care, that my "beloved" spouse will be supporting the children to DUMP.

-- Posted by D.W.B. on Thu, Nov 1, 2007, at 2:19 PM

I love that old song-"Cats in the Cradle".

It tells the story of a self-involved father,who thought that all it took to being a father was making the living.

He was never took anytime to play with his son,no matter how the boy begged,he just did as he saw fit. He molded his son into his own image,because then when he was retired and had "time to waste" being with his family,they were too busy for him. Who raised the boy,who taught him to treat others like that,guess we blame Mom,dad couldn't be bothered with him.

Sometimes the apple doesn't fall far from the tree,or we teach others how to treat us!

-- Posted by Yellow Rose of Essex on Thu, Nov 1, 2007, at 5:10 PM

The biggest thing I see wrong w/ the care facilities is that they are so cold and impersonal...Yellow Rose...you make a good point. I doubt my father would want me to change him if he became incontinent one day, but he did it for me, didn't he? I watched my grandma die of alzheimers...it was horrible. She didn't ever progress as far as one of the residents I had did...he died of alzheimers also, but he died b/c he forgot how to eat...and I already have a bad back (from working in the nursing facilities), so I know how difficult it truly is to lift someone who is close to your own size or bigger.

And as far as family not visiting...I'm truly sorry some of you think that your family won't visit. Seeing first hand how it makes people feel when their families dump them off never to return...there is NO WAY I could do that to someone. Especially not the person who dedicated his life to raising me.

And my personal belief is...if someone puts their mind to it, they will die where they choose to. I know when it's your turn God will take you. But usually the people who want to die at home die at home. And the people who would rather pass in a nursing facility usually do. Maybe it's just b/c they know they have reached their final destination in life, and it's where God intended for them to go...but you can almost bet that if someone says, "I will never die in that awful place!" they usually mean it. I know it may be tough, but I only think it's fair that I honor my dad's wishes. Some people even say they don't want to be at home when they pass, only to spend so much time in the hospital that they long to only be home in the end.

Life is cruel, ya know? Our endings almost never pleasant, and our families sometimes so cold that we wonder if we even know who they are.

I recently asked my husband if I ended up w/ alzheimers (as I forget almost everything now, and I'm still so young ;-) if he would promise me that he would be w/ me everyday, reminding me of things I have done and people that I know, and at the same time be sure to fill me in everyday on everything that is going on. He promised, and I believe he will stick to it. I know I'm a fighter when it comes to everything, but there are just some things we can't fight. And I think my family will be there for me everyday til the end, as I will be for mine.

-- Posted by mrsdolphin on Thu, Nov 1, 2007, at 8:01 PM

I won't aks mne to do it. No way.

-- Posted by I.B. Le Truth on Thu, Nov 1, 2007, at 9:44 PM

NURSING HOMES...they should surely change the names of these facilities. Something like: Dying Days,Horrible Ending,Down and Out,NotGone But Forgotten,Old Baggage. As I understand it, when a person is put into a "home" it should be the last resort...when all hope for a better quality of life is gone {don't know they are there}. I don't care if someone visits another in a "home" every day; it is not enough. What if they come when that person is not feeling very receptive; but an hour or two after they leave they NEED someone to talk to. Not just anyone will do.

The familiar is taken away and replaced with out-of-control, one following another, experiences.

I feel the doctors look at "homes" and the people in them with little to no real care by keeping them comfortable {drugged up} until it's over. I feel that the nurses are too under-staffed.

I don't think anyone who enters will get what they deserve in "old age".

I pray I am of strong will in that I die at home. I, Grati Tude, hereby set my mind to it.

-- Posted by Grati Tude on Sun, Nov 4, 2007, at 1:41 AM

I believe that the term I've often heard in reference to nursing homes is so accurate..."God's waiting room."

-- Posted by bringwine on Tue, Nov 6, 2007, at 10:51 PM

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