Another doctor's visit...
Ok, I've learned from experience not to leave ink pens lying about and I've learned that Comet works on some stains, but not all (see previously posted "Dr.'s Visit" to fully comprehend this statement). But I finally addressed another aspect of doctor-going that came to light a few years ago…one that I never could quite figure out how to approach with a response, until this week.
It seems that when a post-meno woman appears for her annual exam, in particular a post-meno woman who happens to be single, one of the questions that is annually asked prior to the raising of the stirrups and the annual thorough humiliation (I believe there's a better way, but doctors are just not willing to reveal it 'cause they enjoy the humiliation aspect of it all, at least the male doctors. There is likely a simple blood test available that would reveal the same results as the dreaded pap, but there is a well-kept Conspiracy Theory (good movie, by the way…Julia Roberts and Mel Gibson) at work that keeps that under wraps, unlike we are for that period of time.
Anyway, sorry..got off track..not out of the stirrups, mind you…just off track. The doctor is question persists annually in inquiring, in his quite delightful English/Indian accent, "Are you sexually active?"
The first time I was asked this, I was really tempted to turn it around and simply ask, "Are you?" I refrained, however, and credited it to what tiny bit of dignity I still had left while dangling in the cold metal devices extending skyward like eagles wings, minus the feathers.
This year, however, I was ready, and sure enough, several minutes into the appointment, he popped the question. He was looking down at his chart making continuing notes as I responded to the various questions…do you take calcium daily…yep…do you exercise? (sure, I lifted my hand to my mouth to take the calcium, didn't I?)…Do I try to cut fat?…Sure, I cut it off the chicken right before I deep fry it…Do I walk daily?…yep, to the freezer for another Skinny Cow (actually, that would constitute three daily walks)….Are you sexually active? Hmmmmmmm…..a lull in the conversation, long enough that he had to finally look up from his clipboard and as he did, he sighted me holding up my left sleeve with my right hand to examine my watch with my head fairly cocked to one side. When he looked at me with those dark eyebrows raised in anticipation of an answer to his question, I replied, "Hmmmm, not yet, but the day is young!" I'm afraid his forehead may be bruised from hitting the clipboard. I must remember to check on his well being later.
This is a true story and the names have not been changed to protect the innocent. There are no innocent. The guy who invented those cold stirrups took it.
Minnie o'
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Minnie o'