Winter Storm Watch
Monday, Mar. 2, 2015
Mensa Word OriginalsPosted Tuesday, January 13, 2009, at 7:46 AM
My view this morning through a dirty window: A very fat red squirrel dominates the black oil sunflower seeds, and the birds rustle around as if they know really COLD weather is coming. Just beyond the feeder is the field, where a wiley coyote stood last night, daring my dogs to come get him. Instead, he got a shotgun blast! Didn't try to hit him, of course! Just aimed to scare him back where he belongs!
My last blog seemed to furnish some entertainment for my fellow English teachers and even one unknown voice from Down Under, so I'm again resorting to the world of words. Far be it from me to post a reaction to upcoming events in Washington...
For today's exercise in creativity, I went back to a shared email from a beloved former student, who retains his love of words. There is probably a newer list, but I haven't taken the time to find it. I'm sure some of you will enlighten me. Wisely or unwisely, I have deleted some of the more ribald words on the list! However, there are some that I simply cannot pass up!
Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational, which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are SOME of the winners:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
7. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
8. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
9. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
10. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer. (Sounds like my brother David!)
11. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
12. Glibido : All talk and no action.
13. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
14. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
15. Beelzebug (n.) : Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
16. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:
1. coffee , n. the person upon whom one coughs.
2. flabbergasted , adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3 .. abdicate , v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. esplanade , v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. willy-nilly , adj. impotent.
6. negligent , adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. lymph , v. to walk with a lisp.
8. gargoyle , n. olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. flatulence , n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. balderdash , n. a rapidly receding hairline..
11. testicle , n. a humorous question on an exam.
12. rectitude , n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. pokemon , n.. a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. oyster , n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism , n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. circumvent , n. an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
That's this morning's contribution from the cold, gray hills of Tillman, Missouri. This is your wishing-it-were-summer-but-glad-I-didn't-throw-away-my-old-coffee-pot rural blogger, Madeline, signing off for yet another winter's day. Y'all keep warm, y'hear?
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Madeline (Giles) DeJournett is the Advance writer for the North Stoddard Countian. A retired high school English/history teacher, she spent 32 years teaching in 5 schools in Missouri and Alaska. These days, she lives quietly with a menagerie of wild and domestic animals on 52 secluded acres in the remote Tillman hills south of Advance. She graduated from Dexter High School in 1960 and Southeast Missouri State in 1964. She can be contacted at email@example.com or by phone at 573-722-5322.
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