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Friday, Dec. 19, 2014

Dear Uncle Peter in Benin

Posted Thursday, March 19, 2009, at 3:54 PM

Today I am pleased to announce the receipt of a special delivery email (addressed to "Dear friend,") informing me that my dear Uncle Peter Lund, a "seasoned European contractor with Benin Cement Company, Cotonou" unfortunately died in a plane crash of Union Transport Africaines Flight Boeing 727 in Cotonou, Republic of Benin on 25th December, 2003, leaving $22.1M in a "fixed deposit," which will be remitted to me at the rate of 60/40.

That's 40% for me, and 60% to a Mr. Mones Soliman, Auditing and Account manager of Lloyds Tsb Bank Plc Republic of Benin.

Oh, my! Looks as if this "dear friend" is going to be RICH! And all I have to do (at this point) is kindly email the following information: a. full name (mmm...I wonder why he doesn't have that already???) b. direct phone & fax number(s), and my direct email & any other information I "maydeem" helpful.

Mr. Soliman says, "no other person know about this account or have any information relating to this account." (Is that so?)

Not only that (to make the deal more tempting, no doubt), "The account has no beneficiary nor did next-of-kin other than him and my investigation reveal that his supposed next-of-kin died along with him in the crash." (How convenient!!)

Well, now, folks, this just sounds like such a good deal that I don't know if I can pass it up!! Forty percent of 22 million! I don't even know how to figure that up, but it sounds like a lot.

From what I've heard, the next part of the scheme is to ask me to send a hefty amount of money to a bank in Benin to pay certain expenses - or maybe taxes? - to free up my dear uncle's assets.

Poor, poor Uncle Peter! He was such a good, good, good friend to me as I was growing up in the slums of Calcutta so many, many, many years ago! And to think that my cousin Miquel - Uncle Peter's only child - died in the crash with him!

I am just almost too heart-broken for words!

I know this account MUST be legitimate, since Mr. Soliman assures me that he has "all necessary legal documents to back up this claim."

I would also be doing a kindness to the ENTIRE WORLD, since I would not be letting the funds go to "Benin Republic financial law on unclaimed bills which the government usually map out for the purchase of ammunitions which are the major course of connflicts in the west of Africa." (Misspellings are not mine, of course...)

I am further reassured by the fact that "this transaction will be executed under legitimate arrangement that will protect both parties from breach of the law and it is 100% risk free and attracts no authorities..." (Sounds on the up & up to me!)

I am truly thrilled beyond words for this amazing stroke of good fortune (even though I'm incredibly saddened by Uncle Pete's death)! I shall sign off now and make a detailed list of ways in which I plan to spend my millions and therefore boost the U.S. economy in the process!

Good ole Uncle Pete! Rest his soul, he was always thinking of others..

I think the first thing I'm gonna do is buy a brand new herd of goats, the ones with the curling horns!

From the soon-to-be magnificent Tillman Manor, this is your millionaire reporter Madeline, signing off on THE FIRST DAY OF MY NEW LIFE!


Comments
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Yipee! It's PARTY TIME!!

-- Posted by goat lady on Thu, Mar 19, 2009, at 3:56 PM
Madeline Dejournett's response:
OH, DEAR! I fear I have already violated the stipulations of Mr. Soliman's letter! He specifically said that all that was required of me was "absolute honesty, total commitment, co-operation & absolute confidentiality." (Ooops!!! I guess I kinda overlooked that last requirement, didn't I?)

Does this mean I don't get the money???????????

I think the first thing you'll need is a great BIG bucket to load up all that BS! I'm just so sad that it is you--not me, but I guess they couldn't find me since I'm GONE! You'll have to have help counting it all, I'm quite sure. We'll no doubt read of your excursions in the slick magazine headlines, as we wait to check out at the grocery store.

-- Posted by GONENOW on Thu, Mar 19, 2009, at 4:23 PM

Along with that goat herd, I'd hire a really GREAT goat herder! Money no object!

-- Posted by goat lady on Thu, Mar 19, 2009, at 5:21 PM

OOps--you'll have more GS than BS. Ha!

-- Posted by GONENOW on Thu, Mar 19, 2009, at 6:04 PM

MD, here's your one chance to escape the lonely Hills of Tillman, and have all the riches plus goats you'll ever desire. I say go for it, or at least pass the information onto 'Hoon',,,,,,just kidding of course. You're so lucky!!!!!!

-- Posted by changedname on Thu, Mar 19, 2009, at 6:07 PM

MD, Girlfriend you have got to get a better spam filter!! The e-mail I recieved a few years back was from Nigeria, and since the only folks I ever knew who were from there were emigres I worked with in Little Rock, and the names didn't match anybody I remembered!! To Wit, I called BS!! BUT, what a pity, It should have been a wondrous sight

watching her Ladyship riding to hounds across the Tillman Manor's uplands, whilst the tea was being readied for service on the south veranda!!! Just had to throw that one in, molater, kk

-- Posted by kkcaver47 on Thu, Mar 19, 2009, at 9:07 PM
Madeline Dejournett's response:
Oh, the glory of it all!! I wonder if my border collie would be willing to run with the hounds after the local fox population?? The horses would definitely have to be jumpers! Between the gullies and the barbed wire fences, the course would be a bit rough! "Tillman Manor Uplands" sounds glorious!

I had always heard of scams like this, but I had never seen one in PERSON! How some people can be so gullible as to get drawn into them is beyond me.

Besides which --- How do those creeps get the email addresses?

One thing about it -- At least most people who are savvy enough to BE on the "web" are savvy enough to recognize a rip-off when they see one. I think...

-- Posted by goat lady on Thu, Mar 19, 2009, at 9:43 PM

MD, actually your next step would be to meet an acquaintance in Benin in a secret spot to go over all the paperwork! I was receiving this same crap, only from Nigeria, and I never replied...but then a few months later, they sent me a follow-up email telling me I'd have to do what I mentioned above to go ahead with the claiming of all my wonderful money. Only difference is, it wasn't a relative. It was supposedly someone who died in a plane crash here in the states that had an account in Nigeria. I do feel sorry for some of the older people out there, however, because there have probably been some to see this as a real email. Not me! If I didn't earn it, then it isn't mine!

-- Posted by mrsdolphin on Thu, Mar 19, 2009, at 9:58 PM
Madeline Dejournett's response:
Is that the next step, then, dolphin? I know that one step is to send a rather "small" amount of money ("small" in comparison to $22.2M). Actually, I made up the "relative" part: That was just an assumption, added for effect...

What a hard lot you Americans are ! Not an ounce of sympathy in sight !

MD, I was distraught to read of your tragic loss. I am sure I speak for most when I offer my deepest sympathy. In such times it is difficult to think clearly, but I can tell you that 40% of $22.1 million is $8.84 million. Send me the .84 million and I shall come over, look after your goats, sort out your mathmatical problems and assail you with my bad grammar and British spelling. Make the cheque, (check?), out to Cash please.

Keep you chin up,

-- Posted by wartz on Thu, Mar 19, 2009, at 10:41 PM
Madeline Dejournett's response:
My dear Wartz, you have solved a major part of the dilemma occasioned by my unpresidented good fortune! Yes, indeed, your qualifications as DeJournett Goatherder seem to be entirely adequate for the job, as a British/Australian/New Zealand accent trumps all other qualities by a good mile! (kilometer??) Of course, you would have to learn to use our antiquated American system of measurement, since we failed to meet the Metric Deadline by about 20 years, I think... Still, with your mathematical abilities, you should have no problems in converting to miles, gallons, quarts and so forth! And all that for only .84 million! A bargain for sure!

I shall contact Mr. Soliman immediately!

Oh my 'wartz', you left an opening here I can't bypass,, some of us would have to keep our 'chins' up, but not dear MD, everything's in shape for most of us!!!!!!!

-- Posted by changedname on Fri, Mar 20, 2009, at 7:00 AM
Madeline Dejournett's response:
Ah, Dexterite - you and Paul Corbin are a good match! Ever the gentleman, even if it costs you a good laugh! Thanks for not including me in your "double chin" joke!

Now- Madeline, you know that you are my best "Girl Friend" and I want to help you through the sadness of loosing your uncle.

I am sure that you are going to need some help in managing your financial affairs, and since I have made a complete study of the method used by Bernard Madan, you can place this whole affair in my hands and you will soon have nothing to worry about.

-- Posted by paulcorbin on Fri, Mar 20, 2009, at 9:44 AM
Madeline Dejournett's response:
Paul Corbin, you rascal, you don't miss a thing, do you?? That's a good phrase you used - "You will soon have NOTHING to worry about!" "Nothing" is the key ingredient in this equation.

Wartz, do they use dogs to herd the goats (and sheep) in New Zealand, and if so, do they prefer border collies? (smartest dogs in the world!!)

I can see it now -- border collies trained to respond to a New Zealand accent!

-- Posted by goat lady on Fri, Mar 20, 2009, at 1:20 PM

ALL, I picked through three of these tragic excuses for scams just this past hour, thankfully, my spam filter caught all but one, the two were supposedly from Burkina Faso, and the one that made it to my e-mail was from some yo-yo in the U.K., the information on all has been forwarded to certain acquaintances of mine in the KS A.G.'s office and to another bd who works up at Leavenworth.....they have fun with this sort of crap, in the long term, of course....hope all is well down home, ROCK CHALK JAYHAWKS< GO MIZZOU!!!!!, molater, kk

-- Posted by kkcaver47 on Fri, Mar 20, 2009, at 1:50 PM

Where should we peasants send such scam information??

-- Posted by goat lady on Fri, Mar 20, 2009, at 9:40 PM

Dexterite; I think we have a different interpretation of "chin up". Out here it means to be brave, have courage etc. and in no way was I suggesting that the recipient of the huge financial windfall was deformed in any way whatsoever.

MD; we did, at one time have miles, tons, quarts, gallons and inches here but it was all far too expensive i.e. a gallon of gas,(petrol), was far more costly than a litre.

GL; Yes we have mostly collie dogs as sheep musterers but there are lots of other dogs which have been cross-bred for particular functions e.g. huntaway, heading, handy, yard etc.

And finally, a question for y'all. What do you call a native of Dexter? A Dexterite? A Dexterian? A Dexteronian? Response welcome !

-- Posted by wartz on Sat, Mar 21, 2009, at 3:20 AM

wartz,,, we call them 'miserable',,,,,,,,,,sorry couldn't pass this by.

-- Posted by changedname on Sat, Mar 21, 2009, at 7:43 AM

I'll catch it now.

-- Posted by changedname on Sat, Mar 21, 2009, at 8:42 AM

Hahaha! You won't "catch it" from me, Dexterite, but you'll probably get called on the carpet by some of the locals. (I just had to use a local colloquialism for Wartz's benefit!)

I haven't been a "Dexterite" for some 49 years...so I can see at least two sides to every local issue. I know I've mentioned it before, but the years my family spent in Dexter were the best of our family life. It was like ripping our hearts out to leave. Mom never really recuperated from it.

-- Posted by goat lady on Sat, Mar 21, 2009, at 9:47 AM

Ah, "petrol" -- That's another one!

Do the hood releases on your cars have a "B" on them for "bonnet"??

-- Posted by goat lady on Sat, Mar 21, 2009, at 9:51 AM

Oh, wartz, our "chin up" has the same meaning as yours - "Keep your chin up" means...ah.."Keep a stiff upper lip.."...ah, "Keep your head up and be brave." Dexterite was just trying to be funny! It's "senior humor"! We might as well laugh at ourselves as we fall apart.

-- Posted by goat lady on Sat, Mar 21, 2009, at 9:54 AM

GL; to my everlasting shame I had to go out to my garage and have a look at the bonnet catch on my car. It does not have a "B" but rather a dinky little illustration of a car with the bonnet up.

So, it's Dexterite then, is it? I rather liked the tone of Dexterian !

-- Posted by wartz on Sun, Mar 22, 2009, at 4:09 AM

Wartz, Dexterian is akin to Vegetarian so we couldn't be connected to that, love our beef and burgers too much. And pork bar-b-q, not to mention goatburgers, apologies to MD. I'll be scalped now and hung from the nearest yardarm.

-- Posted by changedname on Sun, Mar 22, 2009, at 7:24 AM

Oh, yeah! You Dexterites or Dexterians or whatever you call yourselves need to leave the goatburgers to Puxico!

For Wartz's benefit - Puxico is another town in Stoddard County, where they have an annual fall celebration they call "Puxico Homecoming." It involves a little carnival and their famous barbecued goatburgers.

When I was getting into goats several years ago, I wanted to buy some of the critters from a local fella, and he said that all his 75 goats were already promised to Puxico! He had them out in a big pen, where he had even built various wooden structures for the goats to jump and play on! Then he sold them to eat!!!!

There's no accounting for people's tastes!

-- Posted by goat lady on Sun, Mar 22, 2009, at 8:22 AM

Goatburgers were (are?) sold at the Bloomfield Fall Festival, also. A friend bought one for me once. I ate it, and then said--"Now, tell me the truth. What was it really?" I thought I'd lose it when she convinced me I'd really eaten goat! Baaah! It tasted like bbq--anything.

Our neighbors outside of Dexter had a "pet" goat for awhile. My daughter thoroughly LOVED to push treats through the fence to it. Then, one day we came home and he had been killed and was hanging by his hind legs from the clothesline. I couldn't believe it! These people were doctors from the Phillipines. We just never dreamed that was why they had the goat. I suppose they had goat burgers for awhile! I guess food is food--but I don't want to eat another goat. I'll stick with traditional beef, pork and chicken, and I prefer not to think about their lives before my table either.

My apologies to the Goat Lady--I didn't mean to eat a goat!

-- Posted by GONENOW on Sun, Mar 22, 2009, at 11:43 AM

Members, when I grew up my daddy had a 'Billy Goat and a Nanny Goat' that practically lived in our backyard. I learned a lesson very soon as a young boy,,,, never turn your back to any goat,,,,,,,,, you'll have a rude awakening, I mean I was rear-ended pretty quick.

-- Posted by changedname on Sun, Mar 22, 2009, at 12:24 PM

The billies are the worst about butting people, but even the others will do it on occasion. It's a goat's nature. If I ever have goats again, there will be NO BILLIES!! I will just import one for a day - and then return him to his own home. They are disgusting!!!

My sister controlled her diabetes and lowered her cholesterol significantly by giving up meat completely.

-- Posted by goat lady on Sun, Mar 22, 2009, at 5:26 PM

goat lady, I hope you invite Mr Billy over more than once a year!!!!!

-- Posted by changedname on Sun, Mar 22, 2009, at 6:56 PM

Why? Once a year is sufficient. Those billies can really get around.

-- Posted by goat lady on Mon, Mar 23, 2009, at 4:39 PM

How on earth did we manage to lurch from discussing MD's inheritance through to decimal measures, dogs, miserable citizens, buttons on vehicles and the reproductive enthusiasm of billy goats ?

-- Posted by wartz on Tue, Mar 24, 2009, at 3:32 AM

Wartz, we're flexible and easily distracted.

-- Posted by changedname on Tue, Mar 24, 2009, at 6:45 AM

Hahahaha! You hit the nail on the head, Dexterite!!! Flexible and easily distracted.... that's good.

Buttons on vehicles...? I had to go back and look that one up, only to discover that I am the culprit who started us off on our current tangent! (Surely not! I'm usually straight as an arrow...)

Well, how to get back, how to get back......

Oh, yes! I've got it! Yesterday I received a new email about a teenager who posed on the internet as a fifty-something Casanova: He scammed a woman out of .... how much money was it?? He got caught and is spending some time in the HOOSE COW!!

There....that oughta be enough to keep Wartz busy for awhile!! I guess I'd better look that phrase up before tomorrow morning, when we have to answer our New Zealand friend's questions!

-- Posted by goat lady on Tue, Mar 24, 2009, at 2:25 PM

Goat Lady--if you don't find the teen in the HOOSE-COW, look in the slammer. teehee.

-- Posted by GONENOW on Tue, Mar 24, 2009, at 3:21 PM

GL, this could be the Casanova story you were referring to, a Nigerian student who fleeced a woman looking for Mr. Right out of $47,000, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0o-44WoOZ... A person recently contacted me about what she could do about being fleeced out of several thousand $ in an Internet scam. Suggested she contact the AG, but her money is gone.

If you'll recall MD the Feds tried to shove the metric system down the throats of Americans in the 1970s (e.g., Metric Conversion Act of 1975) and Americans spontaneously rose up as one and refused to accept forced metrication. One of the few times Americans showed they are more powerful than the government. The U.S. government is now trying to get the metric system accepted through the back door of indoctrinating public school students and other methods. It is disgusting that high school students today run the 1600 meters and not the mile like Jim Ryan and Gerry Lindgren. The independent spirit of the British had been too sapped by years of dependency on the government for handouts to effectively resist forced metrication. But even after all these years of having the metric system shoved down their throats not all the English have caved in like sheep (or is it "goats"). In October 2008 a 64-year-old woman in London was fined the equivalent of $10,000 after being found guilty of selling produce at a Farmers Market in ounces and pounds instead of kilos and grams as mandated by England's Weights and Measures Act. Now there is a heroine!!

-- Posted by FJGuy on Tue, Mar 24, 2009, at 8:24 PM

Good Morning,

I am afraid that Hoose Cow has me baffled. Enlighten me please.

I am a bit busy on a research project at the moment and would appreciate any help. The project is "The Reproductivity Rate of Penguins in the Persian Gulf". There seems to be a real lack of information about this vital subject but I am sure that some Dexterian will have some knowledge of this absorbing topic.

Contributions welcome.

-- Posted by wartz on Wed, Mar 25, 2009, at 3:45 AM

MD, just received an URGENT message from Mr Nestor Santori trying to reach his Missouri relatives, so I invited him to this forum. He has a fortune just waiting to be claimed, I suppose, didn't open his email because i knew at my age I couldn't resist the easy money. We are all so popular now, it's amazing.

-- Posted by changedname on Wed, Mar 25, 2009, at 11:22 AM
Madeline Dejournett's response:
Oh, my! Do you think Mr. Nestor Santori is in communication with Mr. Mones Soliman, who contacted me?? Maybe they're cousins. Now some sharp sheister needs to come in and sell us a better spam filter!

Oops, I'll bet Wartz needs a definition of that one! But, oh dear, oh dear! I would have to kick MYSELF off the blogs if I said it!!!

Haha, oh, we all know what "sheister" means!!! Especially if we have the slightest bit of German in our upbringing!

-- Posted by goat lady on Thu, Mar 26, 2009, at 5:11 PM

Condolences to you on you loss Madeline. How tragic, but lovely that you have found a way to put that fortune to good use. Having Warz to help in metric conversion and goatherding, what a wonderful multi-tasking friend !!! I would be so delighted to see the Manor. I can envision all the grandeur, formal dining, grand ballroom. Please remember all your peasant bloggers when you come into the funds. ;)

-- Posted by SKDellinger on Thu, Apr 2, 2009, at 8:55 AM

Now the country of Benin is issuing fake money orders in Kentucky,,,,,,BEWARE, there are nut-cases out there.

-- Posted by changedname on Thu, Apr 2, 2009, at 6:54 PM

Dexterite, you have to get that "changedname" changed back again!! We thought we had a new blogger - maybe another Australian from across the world!!

-- Posted by goat lady on Fri, Apr 3, 2009, at 7:39 AM


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Madeline DeJournett
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Madeline (Giles) DeJournett is the Advance writer for the North Stoddard Countian. A retired high school English/history teacher, she spent 32 years teaching in 5 schools in Missouri and Alaska. These days, she lives quietly with a menagerie of wild and domestic animals on 52 secluded acres in the remote Tillman hills south of Advance. She graduated from Dexter High School in 1960 and Southeast Missouri State in 1964. She can be contacted at advancensc@sbcglobal.net or by phone at 573-722-5322.