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Dear Uncle Peter in BeninPosted Thursday, March 19, 2009, at 3:54 PM
Today I am pleased to announce the receipt of a special delivery email (addressed to "Dear friend,") informing me that my dear Uncle Peter Lund, a "seasoned European contractor with Benin Cement Company, Cotonou" unfortunately died in a plane crash of Union Transport Africaines Flight Boeing 727 in Cotonou, Republic of Benin on 25th December, 2003, leaving $22.1M in a "fixed deposit," which will be remitted to me at the rate of 60/40.
That's 40% for me, and 60% to a Mr. Mones Soliman, Auditing and Account manager of Lloyds Tsb Bank Plc Republic of Benin.
Oh, my! Looks as if this "dear friend" is going to be RICH! And all I have to do (at this point) is kindly email the following information: a. full name (mmm...I wonder why he doesn't have that already???) b. direct phone & fax number(s), and my direct email & any other information I "maydeem" helpful.
Mr. Soliman says, "no other person know about this account or have any information relating to this account." (Is that so?)
Not only that (to make the deal more tempting, no doubt), "The account has no beneficiary nor did next-of-kin other than him and my investigation reveal that his supposed next-of-kin died along with him in the crash." (How convenient!!)
Well, now, folks, this just sounds like such a good deal that I don't know if I can pass it up!! Forty percent of 22 million! I don't even know how to figure that up, but it sounds like a lot.
From what I've heard, the next part of the scheme is to ask me to send a hefty amount of money to a bank in Benin to pay certain expenses - or maybe taxes? - to free up my dear uncle's assets.
Poor, poor Uncle Peter! He was such a good, good, good friend to me as I was growing up in the slums of Calcutta so many, many, many years ago! And to think that my cousin Miquel - Uncle Peter's only child - died in the crash with him!
I am just almost too heart-broken for words!
I know this account MUST be legitimate, since Mr. Soliman assures me that he has "all necessary legal documents to back up this claim."
I would also be doing a kindness to the ENTIRE WORLD, since I would not be letting the funds go to "Benin Republic financial law on unclaimed bills which the government usually map out for the purchase of ammunitions which are the major course of connflicts in the west of Africa." (Misspellings are not mine, of course...)
I am further reassured by the fact that "this transaction will be executed under legitimate arrangement that will protect both parties from breach of the law and it is 100% risk free and attracts no authorities..." (Sounds on the up & up to me!)
I am truly thrilled beyond words for this amazing stroke of good fortune (even though I'm incredibly saddened by Uncle Pete's death)! I shall sign off now and make a detailed list of ways in which I plan to spend my millions and therefore boost the U.S. economy in the process!
Good ole Uncle Pete! Rest his soul, he was always thinking of others..
I think the first thing I'm gonna do is buy a brand new herd of goats, the ones with the curling horns!
From the soon-to-be magnificent Tillman Manor, this is your millionaire reporter Madeline, signing off on THE FIRST DAY OF MY NEW LIFE!
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Madeline (Giles) DeJournett is the Advance writer for the North Stoddard Countian. A retired high school English/history teacher, she spent 32 years teaching in 5 schools in Missouri and Alaska. These days, she lives quietly with a menagerie of wild and domestic animals on 52 secluded acres in the remote Tillman hills south of Advance. She graduated from Dexter High School in 1960 and Southeast Missouri State in 1964. She can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org.