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Have no fear....Minnie's back!!!Posted Friday, August 10, 2007, at 2:49 PM
Yes, I have returned from the land of nod(ding), and am happy to report that all is well, although the waters of the Gulf may be a bit more shallow, having had a gaggle of Missouri maidens making waves in its sea-weedy waters. I seem to have returned with a good portion of the beach's sands in my underwear, so if you're heading that way, you may wish to pack your own.
Am happy to report the grand opening of my first "mart" on the Gulf's coast…I call it "Minnie's Men-o Mart -- Multitudes of Mordant Miniscule Memories and Mementos. Catchy, huh? We sell only things that make you feel better, even if you didn't feel bad going in… Ice cream, wine, chocolate (lots of chocolate), M&M's (plain and peanut), Cheetos, pecan logs, wine, Oreos, a select few bathing suits that are all labeled size 10, even though they're really 14-16's, also tweezers (a must), fans, wine, pink flamingo refrigerator magnets (another must), and sticks with little pelican beaks at the end that aid in picking up things (like M&M bags) so that you don't have to bend over…and did I mention wine? Hired a couple of Czechoslavakian refugees to run the place while I'm gone. They had honest faces and nice posteriors. Should provide a nice little nest egg for my later years. I left to the ka-ching ka-ching of the register as three little blue-haired ladies were contemplating paper or plastic from Hans.
SO, looks like I returned not a minute too soon, as it appears all are conspiring to put an element of "man"kind out of commission...run, Truthy, run! And all this talk of Angel Food and Chili and rapscallions. I tarried almost a second too long. Still, my gracious appreciation to all who kept the blog ball rolling in my absence. Without access to the keyboard all week, I suffered "blog withdrawal" symptoms upon my return. The sun and steady "swoosh" of the tide were my only consolation.
NOW, just thought I would share some recently acquired knowledge.
This is appropriately titled:
What I Learned on my Summer Vacation
Five post and pre-menopausal women CAN pack a five-day trip into one SUV (who needs to see out the back window anyway).
Sand can find its way into body orifices that you didn't know existed.
Souvenir shops can sell anything in the name of the "Gulf."
Sharks are alive and well, in numbers.
Shoe shops are more attractive the further south one travels.
Boiled peanuts are still boiled peanuts.
There is no better diet incentive than a trip to the beach. (Every diet plan in the world ought to begin with forcing each potential victim into a bathing suit for a one-day stay at the beach).
Seaweed at a spa is NOT worth $75 (This knowledge is only attained after spending an afternoon repeatedly wading through a 30 foot wide span of it in order to reach clear Gulf waters).
Books read better when combined with sand and sun.
Any restaurant containing the name, "Joe," "Clam," or "Mama" is worth visiting.
Grandchildren really don't need to accompany adults to any area containing sand until they reach a minimum age of 16. (At that stage, they can assist with the drive, but cannot purchase liquor).
102 degrees is not nearly as hot oceanside as it is 500 miles inland.
Sometimes a 45 SPF sunscreen is just not enough.
No matter how far you travel from home, you run into someone you know. (Just when you thought it was safe to sunbathe).
Cosmopolitans are smoother when served surfside.
That rule you thought was always absurd about seniors being allowed the right of way…might be ok afterall.
Parasailing requires Dramamine.
Crabs that die in one's possession while in the shell develop a distinct aroma after a few days.
Umbrellas are a good thing...
So are visors.
Even when reversing the same route to return home, it takes twice as long as getting there did.
It's good to be home...and even better to have been missed!
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