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Posted Tuesday, August 28, 2007, at 7:05 PM

Did you ever notice (hence, jevvernotice)…

that when you eat a six-pack of Skinny Cows consistently each night for a week, the clothes in your closet shrink at least two sizes? Never fails, believe me…I've tried out this theory many times.

that you're the only one at the stoplight who knows to gun it when the light turns green?

that grey hairs multiply at a remarkably quicker pace than blonde ones?

that the older we get, the more attractive exercise sounds until you try to exercise? I believe that's called "in theory."

that most items labeled, "low-carb" closely resemble the consistency and taste of cardboard?

that although skirts may be as short as we wore them in the 60's, they appear A LOT shorter when you're ….well, older.

that when you join friends for lunch these days, the conversation centers around funerals, cholesterol counts and flashes?

that your children behaved much better than your grandchildren do? Could that be because we applied pressure as needed? I recall an ex who regularly paddled our two eldest BEFORE entering a restaurant when they were around two and four. His theory was that he knew they were going to misbehave before the meal's end anyway, so he might as well get it over with, thereby not spoiling his dinner. Mmmmmmmmm…absurd as it was, it seemed to have worked, as I recall.

that a new outfit makes a new you, if even for a day or an evening? (and worth every penny)!

That a bouquet of flowers is much more appealing in your 50's than in your 20's? I think that's because we're beyond worrying about the expense and we know how to appreciate the gesture, or just the scent!

That wrinkles DON'T serve as laugh lines afterall? Who knew?

That sleeping through the night, without interruption, is a thing to be cherished?

That in the big city papers, people die in alphabetical order? Odd, but true.


Showing comments in chronological order
[Show most recent comments first]

That a half-mile morning walk is better when your dogs go with you?

That a flea market doesn't sell fleas and is much more fun when you have someone with you?

That you never appreciate what you have until it's gone?

That, no matter how big your house is, there's never enough room for your junk?

That paper piles reproduce overnight?

That keys, remotes, and glasses are specifically bred to hide?

-- Posted by goat lady on Wed, Aug 29, 2007, at 7:41 AM

Jevvernotice...how quickly a salesman appears when a single man enters a car showroom...and how long a woman is ignored? Oops, there I go man-bashing...hope Truthy doesn't notice. Ladies, take note - if you and your husband are looking for a new car, send him in first...then enter a few minutes later and see what happens. Guess I just enjoy these little tests of human nature!

-- Posted by letseatcake633 on Wed, Aug 29, 2007, at 3:56 PM

Cake is SOOO accurate on this. And it also applies when repairs are needed for that same vehicle. I recently took my vehicle to the dealership where it was purchased because the engine light was intermittently coming on and all the digital readings were going off, although the vehicle would remain running,but without air or and readings, including mph, it was chancey to say the least to keep driving it. I was told to JIGGLE THE KEY!!! It took talking with someone who didn't think all females were idiots to "steer" me in the right direction. That kind of demeaning treatment is really maddening!!!

-- Posted by bringwine on Wed, Aug 29, 2007, at 5:19 PM

I had a car once that everything would start acting crazy and you had to tap the dash a little bit and everything would start working right. Maybe that guy had a car that you had to jiggle the key. Could have happened.

-- Posted by I.B. Le Truth on Wed, Aug 29, 2007, at 8:02 PM


I've tapped, I've jiggled, I've pounded, I've pushed, prodded, poked, pulled and prayed, all to no avail. Call me old fashioned, but I think when you pay $20,000 for a vehicle, the dealership ought to stand behind it for at least a year or two! At this point, I'd gladly LET them stand behind it, while I put it in reverse!!!

-- Posted by bringwine on Wed, Aug 29, 2007, at 8:17 PM

The dealers are SO NICE, when you're LOOKING for a car, but they don't want to see you after the sale!

I bought two cars from a dealership in Sikeston that used to be called Harper-Lankeit. The first one was fine, but when I had my first flat tire on the second one, my son and I discovered that the holes in the new rim didn't match up with the bolts - so it was useless. When I went back to the dealership, they told me that the salesman who sold me the car didn't work there any longer, and they couldn't help me. I wheedled them until they finally gave me a crummy old rim.

I vowed never to buy another car there - and I've even lost confidence in the town itself! I think a bad dealership reflects on the entire town.

Sometimes I wonder if dealerships change owners, just to avoid all the promises they've made to their customers...

-- Posted by goat lady on Thu, Aug 30, 2007, at 7:53 AM

Oops, that may not be clear: The holes in the new spare tire didn't match up!

-- Posted by goat lady on Thu, Aug 30, 2007, at 7:55 AM


Ooooh,I bet you wanted to pimp slap somebody! After all, this wasn't the salesmans personal car he was selling from his yard, it belonged to the dealership.

Jevvernotice,not one carsalesman can even wipe his butt without "running it past the manager". After all these years, you would think this scam would get old.

Jevvernotice, the hot, masculine,sexy dudes never sell insurance or cars. Vast majority are either Playgirl models,fireman,carpenters or farmers.

-- Posted by Yellow Rose of Essex on Thu, Aug 30, 2007, at 11:20 AM
Minne O'Pausal's response:
Oh, Yellow Rosie, you are abundantly astute! Now, if only one of those firemen, carpenters, or farmers were found to be elderly, wealthy old gentlemen with a bad cough, Miss Minnie would reconsider the single life. However, if a cure were to be found for that cough, I may be inclined to call on Cake for a bit of assistance. Keep your vanilla at arm's length, Cake.

I'm sure there are some very intelligent, capable car salesmen out there in the world, but I always seem to find the ones who (I suspect) can't seem to find a REAL job - you know, pounding nails, fixing things - actually contributing to the world in some useful fashion.

But, Yellow Rose, I don't believe I've ever met a farmer/car salesman! Those terms appear to me to be an oxymoron - a contradiction in terms!

Of course, life in the cosmopolitan community of Essex may be greatly different from the rest of Southeast Missouri.....

And I admit to not having shopped for a car since 2002.

-- Posted by goat lady on Fri, Aug 31, 2007, at 7:49 AM

By the way, jevvernotice the old JUNKERS out on the highway - the ones that just keep running FOREVER - yet the new car that you're driving can't seem to stay out of the shop?

-- Posted by goat lady on Fri, Aug 31, 2007, at 7:53 AM


Oops-I meant that the hot sexy dudes tend to be in more masculine professions-such as farmers,carpenters,firemen,and of course,Playgirl models! As I have read the fascinating articles, I couldn't help but notice the pretty men-lol!

However,I think my boyfriend is hotter of course,especially watching him during hay baling season.

(However, his Mom does work as hard on the farm as any man, so I don't want to sound too sexist-women farm too!)

Can't say I've ever had any naughty thoughts about my pot-bellied,balding insurance agent,except I bet if I file a claim, he can make his fat lazy self invisible.Poof-like magic I bet!

-- Posted by Yellow Rose of Essex on Fri, Aug 31, 2007, at 8:15 AM

Wow, glad we we don't have to post our picture on here.

-- Posted by I.B. Le Truth on Fri, Aug 31, 2007, at 4:37 PM

Ah, I see what you meant. Yes, I did totally misunderstand, YR. I thought that sounded a bit odd.... That's the second blog comment of yours that I've misunderstood. When I look back over it, it's quite clear.

Your boyfriend hauls hay?? Mmmmm! No wonder he's sexy! That activity can build up some serious muscles, and it's also such a dying art, so to speak.

-- Posted by goat lady on Fri, Aug 31, 2007, at 4:41 PM

GL-I tell you gals,he is pretty. He had an opportunity to work for one of the local car dealerships with a real retarded commercial,but I did tell him that was a relationship dealbreaker and his Dad told him that he could work there or deal drugs, he would respect him the same-lol. Needless to say, he showed great common sense and kept his day job! He's bonafide.

Perhaps the next fun-raising bake sale, we can have Cake Lady make some lovely treats,her infamous Polk Berry tart, and have a booth in front of bringwine's fave car dealer, samples for any salesman that offers one car price to her, but a better deal to Mr. Truthy! (and of course,a free treat for all the invisible car dealership bosses that he has to run those numbers by).Jevvernotice,them old car dealer boys don't look like they'd say no to a bakesale-whose in?

It is Labor Day weekend, so have fun Minnie's Kids! Be safe out there, and if you can't be good,at least make your one call to a good bailbondsmen!

What happens in Essex, stays in Essex....

-- Posted by Yellow Rose of Essex on Fri, Aug 31, 2007, at 5:50 PM

Well, at our age, the guys would crack a vertebrae if they tried to hoist a bale of hay---so they'll have to leave that to the young ones. I think we'll settle for a nice, sweet, sensitive guy who might like to browse through flea markets and sit on the back porch swing.

-- Posted by goat lady on Fri, Aug 31, 2007, at 9:09 PM
Minne O'Pausal's response:
Goat Girl...

I'd settle for that as well, but I'd check for that thick billfold and that persistent bad cough before committing. Remember, every once in awhile in a bale of hay, you'll find a black snake that's been caught in the processing!

Me too, goat lady and Minnie, but I agree on the thick wallet (not just one's either), a hefty bank balance, good life insurance, no pre-nup agreement and a fondness for cake lady's special cakes.

-- Posted by Ducky on Tue, Sep 4, 2007, at 12:37 PM

You girls have no sense of romance!

-- Posted by goat lady on Wed, Sep 5, 2007, at 9:46 PM

Hey! Speaking of romance, I wonder what ever happened to I.B. LeTruth?? How long has it been since we heard from him?

Do you think anything could have happened to him??? Cake Lady, have you been a BAD GIRL???

-- Posted by goat lady on Wed, Sep 5, 2007, at 9:49 PM

Just been sitting around wondering if I should eat and trying to figure out what is going on in Essex?

I could be a car salesman or insurance agent and my feelings could have been hurt. NOT!

I do find the opposite sex far harder to understand and deal with than a car salesman though.

I did buy a car from a female salesman once. Seemed the same to me. As soon as I drove off the lot I knew I had been had. Funny how that works, you don't realize it until you are about a mile away.

-- Posted by I.B. Le Truth on Wed, Sep 5, 2007, at 10:50 PM

Of course you have trouble understanding the opposite sex! Anyone who would suggest that the ladies should put the toilet seat UP is bound to have difficulty understanding the fairer members of the population!

-- Posted by goat lady on Thu, Sep 6, 2007, at 10:14 PM

Do we really have a fairer sex anymore?

-- Posted by I.B. Le Truth on Thu, Sep 6, 2007, at 11:06 PM


-- Posted by bringwine on Sat, Sep 8, 2007, at 1:11 PM

For sure.

-- Posted by goat lady on Sat, Sep 8, 2007, at 8:56 PM

Belatedly, YES. Definitely fairer.

-- Posted by Ducky on Thu, Sep 20, 2007, at 9:00 AM

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