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Monday, Aug. 29, 2016
Just shoot me...Posted Sunday, November 4, 2007, at 9:35 PM
â€*if I ever don polyester...again.
â€*if my luncheon with friends is filled only with discussion of diagnoses and/or prognoses.
â€*if I ever tell a highway patrolman, "There wasn't a stop sign there last week."
â€*if I ever tell a reporter following a tornado, "It sounded just like a train."
...if I am ever found to be piloting one of those electric chairs in Wal Mart (unless I have a major malfunctioning body part that has required at least one surgical procedure).
â€*if I am ever heard to utter, "I don't care what it looks like...it's comfortable."
â€*if I ever dress a dog in clothing and take it out in public, unless it's a dog parade.
â€*if I ever attend a dog parade.
â€*if duct tape is ever applied to an area of my vehicle in an effort to secure any moving part.
...if I ever combine knee-hi's and a dress in the same ensemble.
â€*if ever I am toothless and blue-haired and oblivious and am declared Valentine Queen.
â€*if my doctor ever tells me he's narrowed my problem down to one of two things.. a tumor or a late life pregnancy.
...If I win a moustache contest.
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